If it's not Raven, it's crap...

I'm quite tired at the moment, so I'm gonna watch the new episode of LOST and then high-tail it off to beddy-bye. In an explanation of the picture above, it's back of a re-usable matchbox thingy that my sister Gillian bought at an estate sale. She collects matchbooks, which is actually kinda cool. I find it amusing...the picture, not the collection. That about it, kid.

I'm watching the Hip Hop Honors on VH1... I'll repeat: Hip-Hop...VH1 Maybe you're not feelin this, but I just saw Ice-T perform "OG Original Gangsta"... on muthafuckin VH1. My mind is somehow in the process of bein blown right now. [EDIT: I'm still confused as to why this awards show is on VH1 ...but I cannot front, because the performances have been pretty dope. For reals...I mean Common threw down some fuckin...windmill, pop it and lock it shit...gyad dayum!]

He's the boss of me I just would like to take this moment to wish Piet (aka The Dude aka Cheffe) the happiest of birthdays. As I am not in Hamburg to give you my greetings in person, feel free to make use of my representative (and your roommate), André, for all of your birthday-related needs. And click below for a personalized birthday coupon. Keep it real, dawg...und bis die Tage... Raven aka Problemkind aka Jean-Rave'on aka Lebrookski aka RLH Barmitarbeiterin des Jahrhunderts

"Got an 'S' on my chest, I'm this bitch's hero...I see through her panties..." Not much news to report this weekend. Stuff got did...I listened to a lot of Jill Scott ...and that's about it. This weekend, I managed to cross off the last item on my imaginary list of "Foods that I missed while living in Germany". I say "imaginary" because the list really only exists in my head. Anyway, I guess this finally means that "I'm home" now. Thanks, ribs. I've been a little bit sad ever since I found out that my little brother won't be able to visit OKC, due to his debit card being stolen by some assdouche in New Mexico. The debit card has been recovered, yet the hole in my heart remains... It's hard to find the words to explain just why I love to kick it with my brother. So, I conducted a little interview...so y'all can get to know and love him too. Raven: Tell everyone what it's like being in our family, in 50 w...

...and then my brain exploded Don't get me wrong, for the most part, I like being from Oklahoma. It's where I was born and raised, the cost of living is real, real low...and a good portion of the fam lives here. But sometimes this place makes me want to scream. Or puke. Take your pick. On occasion, I like to know what's going on in the news and around the world and such. Usually this craving arises over a bowl of cereal or a cup of coffee, and I find it convenient to keep some kind of newssource at hand. I feel fortunate enough to not have to rely on The Daily Oklahoman for all of my news...not even really most of my news. Simply put, this publication sucks male genitalia of monster-sized proportions. In what kind of crackhead fantasy do NBA ticket sales trump a major (and "relatively nearby") city's evacuation? Under the "GOING NOWHERE" headline is basically just a large picture of the traffic jam on I-45 out of Houston. Actual written coverage of ...

Hooray for priorities! Big news in Oklahoma City: Mayor Cornett and Co are drafting a proposal for the New Orleans Hornets to play at the Ford Center . It's been front page news on the craptastic Daily Oklahoman for the past week and a half. The initial offer to host the NBA team was made on September 2nd...before the Superdome was even completely evacuated. Meanwhile, residents of Yukon, Oklahoma (less than 15 miles outside of Oklahoma City) made a big stink about New Orleans evacuees being housed in a former nursing home in their city . Apparently, the traffic increase is too much for the A&W/Long John Silver's on Garth Brooks Boulevard, thus disrupting the lives of Yukon residents. So much so, that background checks and 24-hour security will be required at the shelter. Kinda reminds me of something Dave Chappelle said: "I spoke at my old high school and I told them kids straight up, 'If you guys are serious about making it out of this ghetto...you gotta focu...

for so many reasons... Sorry for putting you on blast A. Neezy , but this is about the most disturbing thing I've seen all day... (Does it count that someone on 3rd Floor Jordan Platform would probably have tried to enter your weetibug -- possibly with a foreign object -- if given the opportunity and if enough alcohol was consumed?) For the record, it soooooooo does not count...

I'll make a serious attempt at updating tomorrow. I was gonna go to the State Fair this weekend, something I haven't done since...high school...I think. Yeah, I'll go with high school. And although I was kind of in the mood for a corn dog and some funnel cake...the report on the local news about deep-fried twinkies and oreos and candy bars kinda just turned my stomach a li'l bit. Anyway, I like to think that I had just as much fun with Robbyn, the beer she purchased, and Kung Fu Hustle . To top it all off, it was also a special-order curry chicken and roti weekend...which I'd take over an indian taco (hmmmm, lemme see) any day . Thaaaaaat's about it, though. Nothing else really comes to mind and until something else does, you can peep the Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator (brought to you by the makers of the Vin Diesel Random Fact Generator).

Mmmmkay? Ok, by some strange, cosmic coincidence...a bootleg copy of the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin briefly passed through my humble abode. It was highly entertaining, but that's not the focus of this post. This is: 'Hooked on Phonics' at work I know the person who wrote the words "40 Yard Virgan" on that DVD. And I shake my head in their direction. On the real, though, I can't clown too much, because the circumstances surrounding their lack of education are complicated and involve a level of personal sacrifice that most people I know would be incapable of giving. Still, seeing this DVD brought back some memories of a very emotional argument that I had with this particular person about a month ago. An argument which took place in a car that I was driving, reached its peak when I was told "Basi-cally, I'm a dangerous person. I pull guns and knives on people and if a bitch is disrespecting me, I'll hit her" ... and ended with me screaming (a...

"You dumb bastard! It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!" My sisters Gillian and Robbyn have been really nice to me in the past few days. Gillian bought me a DVD player that she saw on sale at Target and Robbyn is going halvsies with me on new TV (since my old TV "somehow" made its way to my brother Darron's house -- joke's on him, though, because my old TV has a sticker on it that says "I I mean, it's not that I think my sisters are big ol' meanie-bo-beanies...I'm just saying that those were pretty unexpected (and much appreciated) acts of kindness on their part. So, I've decided to not make fun of them on my blog for the rest of the month. I will, however, probably continue to make fun of them offline, should the occasion call for it. Instead, I'm going to make fun of my brother-in-law, Dave (Gillian's husband). Just kidding, I'd never really talk smack about Dave, because he's a cool guy who makes awesome coff...

A stunning display of Costa Rican coffee/(tea?)-making technology My grandma invited us (me, Mom and Robbyn) out to her place for pre-knee-replacement surgery pizza and beer on Saturday night. Ok, well the knee-replacement isn't happening until next month and is, for the most part, unrelated to the pizza and beer that were consumed. Sometimes I forget that my grandma is so old and I often have to stop myself from telling her about certain things that I do. She's just so chill -- I mean, for an 81-year-old. Definitely my favorite person related to my father. She sprang for two large pizzas for 5 people (my Great Aunt Lois was there as well). If you've known me for awhile, then you know...I'm not even that into pizza, but Grandma told me and Robbyn, "Ok girls, I hope this pizza is gonna be enough for y'all, because that's all there is...until the coffee, cookies and ice cream later...oh well I guess if y'all are still hungry I could whip up some ham sandw...

Tagged by the Cupcake Mafia ! I've gotten a bit behind in my blog trolling, so I didn't notice this until today. Miss Nancy Cupcake called me out and it just be wrong of me not to oblige. Also, as a note beforehand: she is currently in the process of organizing a bake sale in Prospect Heights Brooklyn . The proceeds will go towards Hurricane Katrina relief efforts. So if you like baked goods and helping people, and you are in the area or know people in the area, then buy a few cupcakes...or rice crispie treats or something. That said, here we go: Seven things I plan to do before I die: 1. Accomplish that free music everyday, all day goal. 2. Go to Trinidad during Carnival. 3. Aquire/build my own recording studio. 4. Do something completely spontaneous for the sole purpose of impressing Remington 5. Discover a hot new act 6. Learn how to drive stick shift 7. Find that special someone who is bad-ass enough to deal with the stress, drama and general insanity and confusion that is ...

"It'll get you drunk!" Tonight I finally went out and rented the Dave Chappelle DVD, For What It's Worth -- and for what it's worth, you should peep that when you get a chance, because that shit is hilarious. Oh Dave, if it were somehow possible to give birth in an effortless, painless and not disgusting manner...I would have 10,000 of your babies. Long live the Chappelles, indeed. It's funny though, at the 7-11 near my house there was this clerk who I'd see all the time when I went on beer runs, he was pretty nice and we'd chat before I'd leave. I hadn't seen him for the past few weeks, but I didn't really give it any thought. Turns out that he now works at the Blockbuster on May and 122nd, but he remembered me. And now he probably thinks my name is Robbyn, since I was using her card. In the weeks since I've been home, Robbyn's been throwing around this horrible rumor about me, implying that I would do anything for a case of beer....

Just some suggestions to keep in mind This little article snippet from yesterday's Daily Oklahoman reminded me of a very brief portion of Fee's LiveJournal post (also from yesterday), in which she, Derekh - roommate of [her] heart, and Amber Weetibug went to the Northampton Brewery and drank Hefeweizen while discussing what they wanted done with their bodies after they die . In other NSLP news...I feel like my CD game package is due to arrive any day now. Mmmmm 14 mix cds at one time...weeeee! Silver Lining of the Day: The good thing about taking pre-employment drug screening tests is that, granted you pass, you can look forward to doing some drugs again real soon. That aside, I currently hate my life.

It's not going to be fun or easy, but I'm going to have to reduce the size of my mom's garden. This will involve uprooting her rosebush, strawberry patch and some other small trees in our front yard. I'm not looking forward to doing it, but after spending the better portion of the afternoon pruning and weeding...let's just say, I don't want to add "landscaper" to my rapidly-growing list of new-found "hobbies". The good news is that I can wait until the end of the month, when she's supposed to go to D.C. for awhile. This is good because I would rather not raze her precious plants in her presence (pineapple not included ) In the world of other good news, I found out that Rhino Records, loveable scamps that they are, have released the Ray Charles' album Dedicated to You on CD. My dad = really big Ray Charles fan and has been searching for this album for (at least) the last 3 years. I could have ordered it for him online from ebay or gem...

"Not as good as sex, but it's better than jail/ Hookers cost, but so does bail/ Oh, honey, that beer is cheaper too..." I don't think I've actually ever in my life gone anywhere to celebrate Labor Day. Lemme think...nope. No where. However, if I were the type of person to have one last summer barbeque or go water skiing or some shit like that, I totally would not be in the mood for it...fear of water and boat propellers, aside. So, I've been in a massive funk for the better part of the weekend, which has made me no fun to be around. However, earlier today, I found a website that provided me with much amusement, and, in lieu of my own inane ramblings, I hereby direct you toward the inane ramblings at Modern Drunkard Magazine -- because today's world is a bad, bad, scary place...but booze can help.

It's nearly 3am. I've watching the news channels for the better part of the day and evening, with a few pauses for things like "gardening", dinner and beer ... and most recently a viewing of Big Trouble in Little China -- because my poor brain and soul needed some uplifting that only the wisdom of Jack Burton could provide. Anyways, I suppose before I crash, I'd like to send out massive props to Kanye West. And I've really had my issues with him...I think he's talented (and arrogant) and he's not the messiah of hip-hop...but recently he's done a couple of of things that take some huge fucking balls...like massive...balls...all up in ya face: 1.) speaking out against homophobia in hip-hop 2.) his impromptu speech at the hurricane telethon the former getting a big thumbs up from me...and the latter, maybe not the best chosen venue for his statements (then again, maybe it was)...but chilling to watch because he just seemed so scared shitless/frustrat...

http://www.scifi.com/pterodactyl I don't think I can write anything that would make this any funnier. I think it pretty much speaks for itself, and it's saying "Coolio plays a special ops/action hero-type guy who has to fight some pterodactyls and the mere thought of this is enough to reduce two white women to tears...because seriously...it's Coolio" The sad part is that I wasted a good 15 minutes of my life watching it. Damn you, Sci-Fi Channel.

Three guesses as to where this old biddy probably lives I had to do a bit of grocery shopping this morning and happened to pass by a gas station. I nearly had myself a damn heart attack. Now, I don't want to get into a gas price debate or rant...but holy motherfucking shit...it's seriously ridiculous. In a way though, it kinda makes me feel slightly better about not having a vehicle of my own. I mean, there are those occasions where I enjoy taking a little drive somewhere (say, for instance, if I'm testing out a mix CD that I've made for someone). However, I mostly find driving to be pretty big hassle, thanks to the other idiots in cars around me. Public transportation is supposed to relieve just this type of stress (supposed to, being the key words in that sentence). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for public transportation, just not when it's done in a half-assed way. Which is unfortunately how it's done in Oklahoma City. The lady pictured at the top of th...