If it's not Raven, it's crap...

Today is all about Kelley...with an "ey" This morning I realized I don't have any recent pictures of my friend Kelley, who turns 25 today. Then I thought I could just scan a picture of Crew 52 from after our high school graduation and I could point her out, but I have a horrible case of "cap head" in that picture (incredibly selfish, I know) [EDIT: Oh what the heck, check it out for yourself below]. So, I settled for a picture of some sleeping kitty, cause she's worth it. Kelley hasn't ever gotten a write-up on here, even though she's been reading/lurking faithfully for over a year and some change (and despite a feud which lasted from grades 7-10) Anyway, we've since patched things up and she's one of the best friends a girl like me could ever hope for and I just want to wish her all the best... and reiterate that I'm not avoiding her...on purpose. 2 Mulattos + 2 Kellies + 2 Trans + Patricia = Crew 52

Good luck, godspeed... I spent the better part of the day with my good friend Austin. I couldn't make it to his going away party on Saturday (well, I could have, but it wouldn't have been for very long and Austin is best in large doses) He's really one of those "You had to be there" kind of people , because things happen when he's around and they make for good memories, but not always the best anecdotes, because, well, you just had to be there. Vijita and I took him (and Sean and Barrett) with us to Berlin in the summer of 2000 when we went to visit our host families from high school. We found them Germans to stay with. Good times were had by all, but one of the first things my host sister asked about Austin upon our arrival was, "Is he retarded?" No, he's not retarded. He's Austin. In his own words "[He's] not afraid to live like a hobo." He called me up once during my sophomore year at Smith, and was like "Hey, I'm mo...

Can't argue with that (or can you?) Little known fact: Malaysia has one hell of a jingle. I should know, I've seen that commercial on CNN a lot. It totally rules (in comparison to, say, the Dubai commercial). In the song, they talk about stuff like the mountains and the sea. Kinda makes me really want to go there, even though I'm not so much into that nature stuff. Still, my oldest and dearest friend, Vijita, is Malaysian and any place I can vacation and not have to worry about paying for a hotel goes to the top of the list... and that hella catchy tune doesn't hurt either. The thing is, I'm not in Malaysia, I'm in Oklahoma... and in Oklahoma we have a song too -- a very descriptive song, as a matter of fact. However, I think that we could learn a lesson or two from Malaysia about tricking people (musically) into moving to/visiting Oklahoma, the 46th state of the Union and birthplace of the world's first rolling supermarket cart . Seriously, who wants to g...

It's pretty weird to say that my weekend starts today, but it feels good nonetheless. What's on tap, you ask? Spending some QT with Austin , cause he's moving back to his chicken coop in Amherst. (Well, actually he told me awhile back that his wood shack/chicken coop/temporary-crib-in-the-woods got torn down by either the police or UMass or a little of both). Either way, sadness...because he's good fun. *****abrupt topic change**** When I got home from work today Robbyn told me that she finally caught up on all of my entries and she called me strange for about the 200 billionth time, but this time because of the recent Ninja entry . Apparently she didn't quite "get it", so I had to explain, which takes all the fun out of a joke. However, then I thought that other people might not have understood it either, which just makes the whole post seem real retarded (which it is, but you know what I mean...more retarded). Anyway, if that was the case with you, then ...

That oughta learn her good I went to 7-11 tonight and my items rang up as exactly $7.11 I thought this was deserving enough of some sort of prize. Especially in light of my loyal patronage. And then I'm like, "Hey, is there some kind of prize for that?" And the clerk -- that weird chick with the skin condition, who is the sole employee at that particular 7-11 who still cards me even though I go there literally all the time -- she chuckled and said, "No, sweetie...sorry." So I took the penny from the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny tray, threw it at her, screamed "Jesus Christ! Buy some ointment, bitch!" and bolted.* * Ok, so it didn't quite happen like that, but (after the last 3 days) spending exactly $7.11 at 7-11 is just about the most exciting thing I have to report. So, cut me some slack...

"Look at me, America! Look at how this ninja's liviiiin for the ciiitaaaay!" It's been a couple of year's since I've had a nice, enjoyable...fairly normal Thanksgiving. Probably like 3 years ago, to be exact. That particular Thanksgiving was spent in Maine with the Wheeler family. I was amazed by the fact that in a family of like 6 people, none of them fought for the turkey leg (they normally just gave the leg meat to the cat...but not that year, no sir) Last Thanksgiving was spent in a boathouse by the Elbe River at the birthday party of the boyfriend of the younger sister of an acquaintance of mine...with a bunch of random East Germans. I played musical chairs (aka "Journey to Jerusalem" aka "Chair Dance"), got tore up drunk, stood (sort of) in front of the f6 cigarette factory and contemplated life while waiting for a tram, which took me to a hip-hop show (Ferris MC) that I was psyched about although it was dreadfully underattended. Then...

Bitch, I said, "I do not like green eggs and ham!" I've designated Sunday to be "Big-Ass Breakfast Day". I thought up that name yesterday, only to realize that my shift changes at the end of this week (again), and my new days off are going to be Tuesday and Wednesday. Thus, further fucking up my concept of days of the week. It's such a downer when Friday rolls around, but I'm thinking, "Today's not actually my Friday ...um, Monday is?" Then my brain explodes. I suppose what's going to happen is that I will have to re-assign B.A.B.D to Tuesday, which on the whole might just work out for the best. See, I've streamlined my morning routine and making breakfast doesn't regularly factor into the plan, because I like to check my email at least once before I leave for the day. It's all about the priorities. But on the first day of the "weekend" when I'm off, I like to make a big breakfast, with the works...eggs, bacon,...

I would never tread upon your dreams, Won , instead I would carefully pour them into an in-ground swimming pool and plunge gently into said pool with only the softest, cuddliest bunnies strapped to my feet. Then I would swim around, your dreams unharmed... That's really all I had to say...

Hamburg's Ruhrpott Representa [EDIT: Picture above was taken a few years ago on Halloween...in real life André sports much more bling, and he lost the hat (which was from me)...] "Der Mann an meiner Seite/ der meine Schwächen kennt/ Flächen brennt/ der Namen nennt/ wieder aufsteht und weiterkämpft/ der Typ für alle Fälle/ und für den Tritt in den Arsch/ der beste Partner live on stage...ich geb das Mic ab gerne an dich" - Too Strong Sorry I couldn't make it to the party...trotzdem wünsch ich dir alles Gute zum 26. Geburtstag André (aka The Mofo from DO)!

"F**k yo couch, n***a!" Today, at 1500 Central Standard Time, I made a big mistake at work. It wouldn't be considered a big mistake outside of work, or even a "mistake" at all...but in terms of the fuck ups that one can make whilst performing duties at a call center...one could call it pretty big. I was getting ready to leave after my shift this afternoon and I was actually leaving on time. I stood up from my desk with my bag, my headset, and my empty coffee up...and instead of hitting the button that would make my phone unavailable to receive more incoming calls, I hit the button that sent the next incoming call to my phone. Except my headset was not on my head and I had all my shit in my hands, ready to get the hell out of there. So, I pushed the 'Release' button, hung up on the customer and bounced. And, I must say, it felt pretty damn good. Could get fired or in trouble, but I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuck. Have I mentioned that I hate my piece of sh...

Your guts (I hate 'em) I wouldn't consider myself a terribly impolite person. I probably won't be winning any Miss Manners contests anytime soon, but don't think I make a completely horrible impression on your parents/friends/random important-type people (I mean, in general my aim is to not be a total embarrassment). However, sometimes I find that I have this eensy-weensy little problemo with small talk, being interested in things that are totally lame and letting people down easy while expressing to them that I find things that they hold dear to be totally lame. I suppose this could easily be misconstrued as being somewhat rude. I do try to throw out hints of disinterest before it gets to that point or just keep my mouth shut...but some people apparently don't know when to quit. Today, I ran into my friend D at lunch and she was sitting with a co-worker from her department (who is, coincidentally, the "independent beauty consultant" from last month's ...

Last week, Robbyn and I finally got our acts together and got some high speed internet up in this mug. People were beginning to complain about the constant busy signal when trying to call the house. Actually, it wasn't so much of a "new" complaint and, really, since my room is way the fuck in the back of the house and I almost never have my ringer on...your chances of me catching your call are still pretty slim. Mostly the speedy internet thing is good because now Robbyn can stay up to date with what's going on with my life, because we can both be online simultaneously and 20 feet is like a really far away distance to be from someone...I don't want her to miss out on anything. Hey bitch, if you're reading this...thanks for emptying the dishwasher. Sometimes, if I don't feel like shouting down the hall to get her attention, I'll call her cell phone. She's the sucker with the free nights and weekends plan. Also, I can do that whole Skype thing, whic...

I just seem to be taking pictures of quite a few of them lately The vet's office around the way always changes their sign to say something cutesy/topical/seasonally appropriate that in someway relates back to animals, pet ownership, etc. Someone once told me, "No one likes a smart-ass [who goes on and on about spaying and neutering]" I found this particular sign amusing (what is it with me and the damn lottery these days?) because until science figures out a way to make animals that eat regular-ass pet food, but shit gold bricks and diamonds... Well, let's just say in this case, given the choice, I'd rather take my chances with the lottery.

Proceed directly to the hot fiyah. Do not pass go, do not collect $200...bla bla bla... The other day, while driving down Britton Rd., I saw the sign pictured above. It made me think of this (um, sorta): "Shomer f***** shabbos!" and that kind of made me want to giggle, but then I wanted to see what kind of market there was for affordable urns, so I did a Google search and found the website for the store . Then curiosity led me to ask if there was some sort of legal requirement regarding buying an urn for cremated ashes...which led me to the homepage of the Internet Cremation Society . After reading the FAQ , I decided the topic wasn't really something I felt comfortable poking fun at... because no matter how thrifty you are, shelling out a mere $79 for this crystal memento box is a way classier than the "cool whip maneuver"

I think I'm trying to make a point, bear with me now. A few years ago, I saw a really shitty movie on TV. It was called Love and a Bullet and starred Treach from Naughty By Nature. I actually started watching it because I saw Zack the Black Power Ranger in it and I thought to myself, "Wow, it's nice to see that he's found some more acting work." In the movie, Treach plays some kind of introspective assassin dude (all "thinky" and shit) and falls in love with some other assassin chick or something. The plot is pretty much unimportant because it turns out that the film is, in essence, a softcore porn half-assedly masquerading as an action flick. A showcase for Treach's "piece", if you will... And the proceeding information is pretty much irrelevant to the rest of what I'm getting to...other than the movie title is the first thing that came into my head while I was thinking of potential names for this post. Sorry for wasting your time. N...

"When I get some money, I'ma buy me some time. I can't fight your war until I'm finished with mine." I told myself that I wasn't going to write a whole lot about my job. Mostly because I figure this whole blog thing is supposed to be an outlet to amuse me so that I can ignore my problems and not expound upon them. Don't get me wrong, I don't consider making money to be a problem, it's just that the means by which I currently "bring home the bacon" tends to be a rather sore spot with me these days. However, recently, more than a few people have asked me about what it is that I do on a daily basis. So, I've decided to make a one-time exception and let you all in on my dirty little secret. Also, I figure those of you who know me pretty well might get a kick out of learning about what I'm getting paid for. Presently, I work in a call center for an internationally known rental car corportation. It's a cruel and soulless place to wo...

Kid: Thanks for the grape drink, Black Santa Black Santa: Ho-ho-ho...and here's a box of 'Ports, Little Cracker Who's psyched about finally having two days off? That would be me. It feels like it's been the longest week ever. I'm gonna write more tomorrow, so I'll keep this brief: 1.) Won, my Korean brother from another mother , has his own blog now. He's droppin some knowledge part German, part English over at Wonfuzius says... . Show him some love. 2.) Robbyn has this amazing hook-up. Every few weeks or so, she'll get a phone call from a woman who'll whip up a big batch of fuckin bomb-ass Trini food , if she can get enough people to put in an order -- which is actually never really a problem and I wish she would call more often. This time, I decided to put in an extra order and take it over to (my oldest and dearest friend) Vijita's mom. She wasn't at home when Robbyn and I passed by, so we drove up to where she works to bring it to her. Ir...

ER is way fucking good this season. I swear, I'm going to ride this train in to the last station. That is all.

"This is 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain..." Yesterday, I was informed that my benefits at work kick in on December 1st. One the one hand, this is rather good news because...you know...health insurance is, in general, quite a handy thing to have a around. Then again, it's just one more thing for the man to take out of my paycheck (as if all those state and federal income tax, social security and Medicare deductions weren't enough...sheesh). Still, on the whole, I'm looking forward to not having to worry so much about every little headache ("It's not a tumor...") The one thing that does kinda bug me, however, is the fact that my company is also going to start taking out money from my paycheck to pay for life insurance. Ok, granted, it's only going to be like $0.06 per week for the basic policy. But that's my goddamn $0.06! And that stupid policy would only pay out $10,000... First of all, it's not...