If it's not Raven, it's crap...

It never hurts to try ;) Last night I woke up a number of times during the night...at least 5 times that I can recall. It was basically the same scene over and over again: Loud, constant sheets of falling rain outside of my window Me (half asleep): What the shit is that?! Grrr... Five minutes pass while I'm trying to figure out what the sound is. Me: Oh it's rain, ok. ZZZZZ...drool... I don't know, somehow I think that I should have realized after hearing the same sound twice, that the answer was always going to be "rain". Instead, each time I woke up, I got startled and my mind raced and I'm all like, "Stay on guard, Rave...it could be bears...oh wait, no...rain again". But hey, it's raining and that's a good sign. Looks like the statewide "pray away the fire" proclamation that Governor Henry made at beginning of the month really worked (3 weeks later). Or it could have been some precisely timed Native American rain dances... On t

I stand corrected I thought that all of the Jack-in-the-Box chains left Oklahoma after the tainted beef scandal during the early 90s . However, further research into the matter shows that there are indeed three Jack-in-the-Box franchises in Oklahoma, the closest one is about 1 hour and 44 minutes away from where I live. A nice little mini road trip. At any rate, it would be at least as good of a mini road trip as the time I piled into a car with a bunch of people and drove across Connecticut just to get some Krispy Kreme donuts.

"I thought that was a bit racist for a cookie" - J.D. So my dad went grocery shopping and he brings home these so-called "Golden Oreos" because he "wants to try them out". Tsk tsk tsk...Dad, c'mon...Golden Oreos? Please... As one of the forefathers of The Revolution, I thought you would know better. If there's one thing anyone that matters knows, it's that Oreos have always been the domain of the mulattos. A crispy and delectable chocolate cookie sandwich with white cream in the middle. It's practically screaming to be our mascot. I tell you, it's reclamation at its finest... "So what?! Call me an Oreo...them shits is delicious! Mmm, mmm bitch!" This "Golden" business...I'm not so sure about that. I feel as though "The Man" is trying to steal some of our thunder. But I'll tell you what...I will not be fooled. There's another white-on-white cookie treat out there. You know what I'm talking ab

I took a "Mental Health Day" today, which more or less means, "I'm not really sick, but I'm not planning on staying at this job for much longer, so I will frivolously use up my sick days for the year, at my fucking discretion." Why? Well, because: 1.) It's the company's tough shit for giving me a set amount of hours that I can call in absent and still get paid. 2.) Going to work sick sucks, even though it's worth it if I infect at least six other people. 3.) Blee blee, blah blah...fuckity fuck fuck...kiss my ass. Wait...lost my train of thought.... Oh yes, also my Mental Health Day coincides with my regular days off, so I still have two days to "get shhhiiiit done". Lemme tell you what...I'm in pretty good spirits, all things considered, because I recently got word from my loan people. Normally, this is not good news, but in my case it is, because in December 2005, I got a letter from a *gasp of gasps* collection agency! Apparently

I never said it was gonna be pretty This isn't going to be an easy entry for me to write, for I will be revealing things about myself that will no doubt make you think, "Whoa...TMI, Lebrookski, T-M-I..."* Just keep in mind, that I'm trying to make a point (of sorts) here. If you've ever visited me at one point or another -- well, up until about 10 months ago -- you may have noticed that somewhere in my room there was a small-to-medium stack of Cosmopolitan magazines. Every issue of Cosmo ever. Here's where the misunderstanding may begin, because, you see, 93.5% of time I do not give a fuck about this publication. However, since it only comes out once a month...you buy one and it taints you for the other 29-30 days (we're not counting February here, too confusing). But in my mind, there is a perfectly acceptable explanation as to why I bought the magazines in the first place. That's right...I blame "The Bad Sickness". Every month -- like cloc

Is hereby awarded to Asamov - Supa Dynamite ft. Mr. Lif ...along with every other song off this album. Sure it's a few months old, but it's hot and I'm fixin to cop it. The big debate? Vinyl or CD. Decisions, decisions...

Polaroid courtesy of Nora Dear RBF , I know that my friends are making a big deal out of the Lyrics Born concert tonight in Hamburg . I know that I personally failed in my attempt to bring that particular artist to Germany. Apparently, now the non-smoking show policy isn't that big of a deal to concert promoters as it was back in May 2005. But for real, if I weren't in the process of working my ass off in order to save up money so that I can relocate, I would totally buy a ticket to come and see you all on February 6, 2006 in HH. For you are, practically speaking, one of my favorite bands ever... I was lucky enough to see you in concert twice...once really close up and backstage in Hamburg...and once in Amherst, MA...from really far away as the opening act for 50 Cent. For some strange reason, you seem to frequent Hamburg a tad bit more than Oklahoma City. Perhaps we keep missing each other, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd come and do a show in my hometown... You

"Dear God, make me a bird...so I can fly far...far, far away from here." Repeat. Saturday, January 14, 2006 [10:12] André: you should always have your skype on [10:18] André: skype can do it all, instant messaging, web cam, telephoning (even to landlines), conferencing [10:19] André: it's a complete replacement for all that other crap [10:21] Lebrookski: ok...cool...but then i'd have to convert all my other friends...otherwise i'd only get to chat with you...which isn't bad...but you don't even like chatting online... [10:23] André: yeah, bring them with [10:23] André: start the revolution [10:25] Lebrookski: i'll work on it... [11:26] André: turn on skype bizatch. i wanna show you the web cam shit. So André says it, so it shall be done. Get a headset, get skype, then we can like talk on the phone like alllll the time for free and stuff. It'll be totally bitchin. [EDIT: But seriously, yo, I do really like skype, because we don't actually ha

My sister Gillian came over with her little rugrats the other day and my niece Gabi, reminded me that she's turning 8-years-old on the 20th. It was just one of many reminders that I'm not getting any younger. And, as a matter of fact, I'm the same age now that Gillian was when she had Gabi. Note: This doesn't indicate a departure from my "I don't want to have children" stance...it's just something that occured to me a little while ago. The good thing about having so many brothers and sisters (especially older ones) is that I feel zero pressure to pass on the family genes. If anything, it makes me think that the last thing we need in my family is more people. Gabi makes me feel old, because I was there -- literally in the delivery room -- while she was being born. To this day, I think it's one of the most traumatizing things that has ever happened to me (even more so than the time I got swept away in a fast moving river current and almost drowned).

Because nothing says, "No, screw *you*, jackass!" like an imaginary letter to someone you've never actually met face-to-face. Let the long segue into meaningless drivel begin: My brother-in-law and I work for the same company, except we're in different departments and he's a supervisor and I'm...uh, not. I see him a lot at work, because we are working similar shifts at the moment and I'm trying to quit smoking, so I no longer go outside to the smoking areas on my breaks and lunch. Instead, I often go to his department and chop it up over there for a bit. It amuses me, because, well, Dave's an amusing guy, but also he refers to me as his sister around his supervisees (as opposed to his sister-in-law), which probably really confused people at first, because he's pretty much the main the reason why my nieces are so white . But you can't really blame a guy for trying to do his part for the Mulatto Revolution, now can you? That's why they call h

Today's forecast for hell? Slightly frozen, but thawing Imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning for work to find about three inches of snow on the ground. In and of itself, this is no amazing feat. There are places where it snows much more and, in fact, in the past it's actually snowed in Oklahoma much more than this during the winter. What surprises me more is that: A.) I got off of work fairly late last night and sure it was chilly, but it wasn't "about to snow" chilly. B.) It's been a warm winter...even for Oklahoma. I mean, we normally have at least one really big ice storm during the season. This year? Not so much. C.) If you haven't heard, we've been having a little bit of trouble with wildfires lately. It kinda backs up that whole saying, "Don't like the weather in Oklahoma? Wait 5 minutes." But then people go, "Yeah we say that where I'm from too." Then I say, "Trust me, douche, just wait 5 minutes.&quo

Happy...Tuesday! Today is the first day of my new shift -- 2:30pm-11pm. The good news, you ask? I get off before midnight and I get to sleep in. But wait, there's more... I finally have my own key to the house, which is something I haven't had since high school. Not having a key hasn't been an issue, because there is usually someone at the house who could let me inside. However, a few weeks ago, no one was home and I had to climb in through a window. I haven't had to do that since the 4th grade...and I'm sure I looked quite ridiculous doing it, quite similar to Cupcake's episode in which she scaled a fence with the help of some bystanders to catch her train back to New York City . Except there were no cute bystanders to lend me a hand, just my neighbor staring at me curiously through the gap in our fence, while I had one leg through the window trying to latch onto a dining room chair and drag it towards me. My legs are short and the "drop", though not

Thank me later. Or else. I'm full of many things -- grace, charm, wit, intelligence, stunning beauty (to name a precious few). However, that's just like 15% of the Raven-pie. As demonstrated by the sentence before last, the other 85% of me is full of inane ramblings and delusions of grandeur. That said, I will periodically reveal to some of the changes that I plan on instituting once the Mulatto Revolution arrives. That way, none of you can can say you didn't see it coming (well...most of it anyway) So, without further ado, when the revolution gets here... I plan to greatly increase the size of the "ethnic" hair care sections in supermarkets and drugstores and relegate the white people hair care sections to a 4 by 4 foot space next to the condoms and the KY. Weave, industrial-strength ceramic flat irons, doo rags, hair mayonnaise, relaxers and curl activators will be readily available in the long spacious aisles...as far as the eye can see, at regular-ass stores.

I (indirectly) blame Cupcake for setting off the rash of tagging that's been going around lately on my friends' blogs (because, of course, I'm not going to blame myself...duh). Even though overkill can be a bitch... you can't deny the convenience of writing a list, especially when nothing else of significance comes to mind. This time around, the master of the ancient Toby-stizzo is looking for a compilation of "Sieben bemerkenswerten Momente der letzten sieben Tage" aka "Seven notable moments of the last seven days" . Note: My job has left me with a fucked up sense of days and time, so this some of this stuff may have happened more than seven days ago...but, hey, does it really matter? 7.) I just got off of work an hour early...which spared me the displeasure of having to work until 3am. 6.) I got to spend the little bit of time that I had during the holidays with people who rank among some of my favorite people on the planet. And it was mentally