If it's not Raven, it's crap...

Raven's Super-Badass, Ultra-Awesome Vacation Day 4 What a Lebrookski wants: former pirate hideout + no hurricanes or typhoons I just spent the last hour and a half "window shopping" for islands, but now, ladies and gentlemen, I think I've found a keeper. I'm sorry, I know the price tag is a little steep, but all of the affordable islands are in Canada...and who freakin wants a private island in Canada?! Not this mulatto. Don't worry, I'm sure if a few of you do a little bit of clever refinancing, pick up a few extra hours at the office, and sell a kidney on the black market...then you'll definitely be able to afford this little piece of my own personal happiness. Dudes, I'm totally worth it...

Raven's Super-Badass, Ultra-Awesome Vacation 1.) Ran around town with Dad (who did not puss out and now has swanky new earring in manner of pirate...arrrrrg!) 2.) Picked up copy of birth certificate (Q: What kind of idiot loses their birth certificate? A. This kind *points at self*. Still, always nice to have some documentation of my existence) 3.) Free lunch, courtesy of Dad, at Olive Garden. I maintain it does not get much more awesomer than that.

"Are you laughin' biatch?! I come in the name of Jesus" Raven's Super-Badass, Ultra-Awesome Vacation Day 2 Pain pills are cool. Yesterday I was all hopped up on Tylenol with codeine, which I know, I know...how can you be all "hopped up" when you're on codeine? That's a chinese riddle for you... Then, this morning my jaw was all achy and I felt nauseous, so I took a break from the pills and spent most of the day watching Bruce Lee movies. Sweeeet. I figure I can be laid-out for the first 2 days of vacation and it doesn't matter, cause it's my damn vacation and I can spend it however I want. Also, my dad just got his first cell phone today, he seems pretty psyched about it. Good for him. Tomorrow is his birthday and he wants to get his ear pierced, so I'm taking him to a piercing studio. I actually have an ulterior motive for doing this, because I want to get my nose re-pierced and I just hope he doesn't puss out. You should also check ...

Raven's Super-Badass, Ultra-Awesome Vacation: Day 1 I'm not kidding when I say that I hate my job and that I would rather be anywhere other than at work. I think I proved my point quite nicely by getting that root canal this morning. Apparently, I have very thin roots in my teeth...yeah, I guess you learn something new everyday. Still, I've gotta say that 90 mins of constant drilling and awkward head-positioning totally beats 8 hours of being at work, thanks to two things I received after my root canal that I could never get at my job: 1.) A prescription for narcotic pain-relievers 2.) A gift certificate for free ice cream So, now that the feeling is coming back to the right side of my face...I'm gonna let this Tylenol with Codeine kick in...and try to come up with some more XTREME things to do on my vacation.

"Hi, I'm looking for rates on a renting a killer whale from April 24th through May 3rd..." Topics I considered writing about today: - my dental woes - my father's recent hospitalization, the subsequent trip to visit him, and the incredulous look Robbyn and I received from the on-duty nurse after inquiring about his treatment plan ( Nurse: And what relation are you again? Me and Robbyn: We're his daughters. Nurse: Riiiiight.) - my little sister's surprise visit to the emergency room - my almost-overwhelming anxiety related to my impending relocation - how hot the new Murs album, Murray's Revenge , is. (Real hot, btw) I shall, however, take the coward's way out and impart several work-related anecdotes. Like to hear, here we go: 1.) Yesterday, I locked my keys in the car. It's not really work-related, aside from the fact that I deal with a buncha muthafuckas everyday that lock their keys in their rental car. I used to pride myself on the fact that...

This totally reminds me of Christmas-time with André and Won . "Pizza?! Now that's what I call a taco!" I haven't been too keen on the last few seasons of SNL, but I really liked the Taco Town sketch the first time I saw it. And to be honest , I've actually found myself thinking, "Hey, that doesn't sound so bad...until the canvas bag and vegetarian chilli part." With the apocalypse approaching and all, I wasn't really surprised to see that a group of people actually made Taco Town tacos , and, strangely enough, I find myself jealous. Erm, update tomorrow? I'll be all novocained up, should be fun.

Adding insult to the injury of the events of the past week, our AC is broken. Normally mid-April this wouldn't be such a problem, except it seems as though spring has somehow skipped over Oklahoma and we've gone straight to summer with temperatures in the mid 90s for the last few days...combined with oh so delicious humidity. So Robbyn and I have opened windows and placed fans strategically around the house and the two of us have just been like hanging out in the dark for the past few evenings until we come up with a plan to get it fixed. On my way to the coffee machine this morning, I passed the dining room table. We had a nearby window opened with a fan propped in it and there was this squirrel sitting in the windowsill and just looking at me. Grr at stupid, hot house without air-conditioning Grr at squirrel scaring the crap out of me before my morning coffee. Um...and happy birthday, Remington...

Nah'mean, nahm' sayin'? Of course you don't. Last Saturday was Robbyn's Twenty-***th Birthday Curry and Chicken Wings Extravaganza. That's just what I'm calling it, because these types of events have to be named, you know. My brother Darron hosted the impromptu shindig and came up with the menu, and truth be told, the food was good. The beer -- called Lost Lake , a brand I've never heard of before -- left something to be desired (like, say, the desire for good beer): "This stuff smell[s] like sweet corn that [has] been soaked in pure alcohol for weeks and then [had] some rotten peas thrown in for good measure. Tastes like moldy corn and is overly sweet." Apparently, there is a beer cheaper than Old Milwaukee ...and Lost Lake be thy name. I drank it anyway, since I'm on a budget and haven't aquired a taste for E&J VSOP (and don't really plan to). I think it was a lesser of two evils kinda thing. It was something of a bittersweet...

I've got nothing better to post. Duty calls, so amuse youselves with the following links while I'm gone: 1.) "The Many Weird Things Men Look for in a Woman" - Sure, it's an awkward title and by "many" they really mean "ten", but it's still amusing. 2.) What should I read next? - It's quite possible that some of you have seen this site before. I just thought it was funny when I put in the last book I read, The Broke Diaries: The Completely True and Hilarious Misadventures of a Good Girl Gone Broke by OkayPlayer co-founder and fellow mulatto, Angela Nissel , it suggested that I also read, How to Rule the World: A Handbook for the Aspiring Dictator . Coincidence? 3.) For all of you cunning linguists out there: The Speech Accent Archive - Listen to people all over the world read the following passage in english: Please call Stella. Ask her to bring these things with her from the store: Six spoons of fresh snow peas, five thick slab...

Springtime in Oklahoma. It's been warm, real warm, damn warm. The warmness, I don't mind so much. The blooming of trees and flowers and nature, however, get my eyes all a-waterin' and my nose a-runnin'. I always (ALWAYS) forget how bad my allergies are when I'm in Oklahoma. Each time, I try to ignore it for as long as possible, until I'm forced to get some medication to thrwart the onslaught. This afternoon was the breaking point for me, so I bought some off-brand Benadryl (Wal-Mart's Equate brand, ya herrd?!). That shit fucked me the fuck up, man. I took two pills and 30 minutes later, I'm all drowsy (but thankfully de-congested) sprawled out on my bed and having a daydream about meeting Toby at Subway, where we got our fresh eatin' on, in the form of meticulously prepared subs by Subway Sandwich Artists, whilst discussing the merits of the new Blumentopf album. Forget the part where there's not really a "new" Blumentopf album. This ...

If I had made this sign, I would have made the O's in 'LOOK' into eyes. That's the notice that can be found on the front door to my brother Darron's house. It's there because he lives in a shitty Section 8 housing neighborhood where the streets are very narrow and the mailboxes are placed perfectly across from the driveway of the person on the opposite side of the street. You know, they're the type of mailboxes on the posts, with those little flag thingies that go up and down...so that the mail carrier doesn't actually have to leave the truck to deliver anything. At any one time, Darron's 2-car driveway can have anywhere from 2 to 10 vehicles squeezed on to it. The mailbox across the street is like permanently at a 130 degree angle. The sign doesn't really help... And yes, I hit that damn mailbox once, too. I was looking behind me and you'd be surprised at how much the bed of a pickup truck obstructs the view of objects behind you. Don'...