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Who can turn the world on with her smile (among other things)?




"How the fuck you expect me to rhyme if I can't talk?! Nigga, I'm thirsty!"
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Before I left for Germany, André asked me if I wanted to record the English voice over narration for the DVD for the airplane project that he'd been working on since way back in the day when the air was made out of wood (and thus not very conducive to air travel).

I figured, "Why the hell not?" -- because I'm not only (a) the best friend that anyone could ever ask for ever (anddontyouforgetit), but also (b) a gigantic egomaniac. Pass up a chance to get my name briefly seen and my voice heard by millions (of aerospace engineers)?! Never!

So, this past Monday I found myself at a fancy-schmancy audio recording studio (with the analog boards and a sound booth and everything). All of a sudden, I felt like I was waaay out of my league. I know, know...I did that radio show thing...and hung out at a studio in OKC a lot...and I'm currently writing this entry in my roommate's studio, which is the third room in our 3-room apartment. Just believe me, this was somehow very different. (Click link below for more)

To make matters worse, the dude who was doing the German voice over narration was a professional voice over guy -- like with a James Earl Jones-type voice (except coming from a white German guy). And there I was, like some kind of jack-assy...jackass friend of André. In my mind I was thinking, "I'm so gonna kill that boy for making me do this."

I had to sit there for about 20 minutes listening to Mr. Voice of NDR do his "thang" before it was my turn. In my head, I was desperately trying to remember at least some of the text (which I knew, since I had translated it into English) and thinking of how I could miraculously make my voice sound cool. However, my mind kept going blank and the only thing that came to mind was, "This is CNN..." over and over and over -- which, as you can probably guess, was completely counterproductive.

Finally, it was my turn. Mr. Voice left the recording booth and came into the control room and sat down in the spot where I had been, while I went into the recording booth.

The whole process took all of 45 minutes (partially because I am Sofa King...and cannot pronounce words like "developmental" and "simultaneously" when nervous). Mr. Voice left the studio after about 20 minutes, which was for the best, as I didn't want to have to put him in his place with my Darth Vader impersonation.

Because I'm a Shorty McShorterson, the microphone had to be lowered considerably and when I looked out of the window of the recording booth and into the control room, I could only see the top of the heads of Axel (the director of the DVD) and Lars (the sound engineer).

Note: I would like to take this moment to say that I was quite happy to finally meet an Axel and a Lars, as I was almost convinced that these names only existed in my high school German textbooks.

The fact that I didn't have to deal with them staring at me while I read about the Blended Wing Body airplane configuration really helped.

Before I knew it the whole thing was done. When I came back into the control room, Axel was literally beaming and said that he thought I was really, really good. Lars said I was really, really good.

...and to top it all off, it turns out that after Mr. Voice left the control room he told the guy who runs the studio that I was really good.

All this time, I thought my voice was a bit too nasal and my vowels a smidge too long (and flat like the plains)...but apparently, I've got a voice that could make thousands of armies skeet their pants...si-mul-tan-eous-ly.

That, my friends, is how hot I sound.

Who'd a thunk it?

So, the guy who runs the studio also runs a casting agency and he asked me if I'd like to be added to their roster of voice over people.

And because the kid in me likes the frosted side, I was like, "Hell yeah!" ...while the adult in me was like, "Shut the fuck up, you dolt! Remember how you hate the sound of your own voice?"

However, those guys knew just how to get to the heart of an egomaniac, namely through piles and piles of compliments. So, the kid side won.

The demand for English-speaking voice over people in Germany is not very high, so it's not something I would do all the time...or even often...and really almost exclusively for technical or instructional videos, if at all. Still, I think it's a pretty awesome thing to say that I "dabble" in voice over work.

Today, I went to have my picture taken for their database. The photographer was like, "Are you sure you don't want to consider doing print advertisements as well?"

I declined...

because I just don't think the world is quite ready for my insanely beautiful Mulatto good-looks AND my steamy hot vocal action.

I tell you, it would simply be too much for the average person to bear.





P.S. This is my 200th post

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