If it's not Raven, it's crap...

Hope you're not too bored at work today, Schmidt ! This should cheer you up. It's so true. LOLZ. Plus, I want lasagna for dinner plz thx! Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

I kinda wish my camera wasn't so shit-tacular, because the view that I get on the way to work everyday on the way to the new FHHM office is really beautiful (when it's not all gray and rainy) and my little crappy light and shadow capturing device does not do it justice at all. Well, let's see, I caught myself a pretty decent cold the other day, which has kind of put a damper on my weekend plans, not to mention also my ability to breathe properly. And has basically reduced me to a mucous-spewing mess. I could really use some Nose Better . Yesterday evening I took it easy. I introduced Schmidt to the awesomeness that is 30 Rock , which he seems to enjoy much more than Arrested Development (I guess I can forgive him for that, though). Then, The Boy came over to take care of me and make me a Zwiebelkuchen (procured from his grandmother for the express purpose of making it for me). He did a pretty good job of pretending to not be grossed out by my snot-encrusted face. Ah, th...

The Ausländerbehörde , a.k.a. the place where fun goes to die. If you’re a foreigner in Germany, then this is a place you’ll have to visit a least a few times. If you’re me – and, seriously, thank your lucky fucking stars that you’re not – then it’s a place you have to visit one millionty trillion times. Here’s the best way that I can describe it: ( Click Below for More ) Imagine you have to go to a grocery store. You need to pick up a few items vital for your existence. Except this grocery store is only open 4 days a week from 8am-12pm. Also, three-fourths of the store is just a waiting room and the one-fourth that isn’t, doesn’t actually have any groceries in it at all. Additionally, since there are only like four people working there, customers can only go into the other part one at a time. Sometimes, you have to fill out an application for the groceries (which are kept at another location). Sometimes, the only thing you get is an appointment, which will allow you to come back and...

MissFee was kind enough to remind me that today is Talk Like a Pirate Day , which is the national holiday of Pirate Land and my 2nd favorite made-up holiday (falling between Hug a Mulatto Day (Oct. 25th) and Kwaanza ). Schmidt , lucky bastard that he is, went out and got himself a badass head x-ray yesterday, which kinda made him look like a scary pirate. Sure, he says there's a medical reason behind the x-rays...but I question his timing. Too convenient. Seriously though, in about a month and a half, I'm putting my favorite roommate in the (hopefully) capable hands of a guy with a knife who will fucking cut his face wide open (with the goal of fixing Schmidt's sleep apnea ). As is "typical Schmidt ", he is none too happy about the procedure, but not for the reasons one might think (i.e. the part where they fucking cut his face wide open). No, my roomie is mostly upset because he will be in the hospital for a week and then on an extra week of bed rest. Oh, and...

Save the Grindel Look, I'll be the first to admit. I don't really like going to the movies. I don't like the other people there whispering and talking through the movie. Crunching their crunchy snacks, gum smacking, drink slurping. I hate that I can't drink anything during a movie because I can't tell the dudes to pause it while I go pee. And I'll inevitably have to go pee, because my bladder is small and fills up quickly. Additionally, having the equivalent of a movie theater in my living room renders going to the cinema somewhat superfluous. I can see just about any movie I want (if I wait long enough). I can eat an entire meal or drink a case of beer then spread out on my couch in a blanket and watch a movie just like that. And I can usually watch it in German or English or with whatever subtitles I want. What I'm trying to say is that if the Grindel goes out of business, it's not going to affect my life that much -- except for more people are going ...

Those were the days These are the nights, I'm afraid to say it I hang them in my heart and save them for a rainy day... - Pigeon John "Growin' Old" He was in every John Wayne movie ever made. He had dresses that looked just like mine when he was a little girl. He could tell time just by looking at the sun. He had the ability to shrink himself to fit into the hole in my closet, which led to a fireplace ventilation thing in our backyard and allowed him to successfully escape me during a game of hide-and-go-seek. He was good friends with a gypsy lady in Albuquerque, NM who took disobedient children and he wasn't afraid to buy us a one-way bus ticket to see her. He was just minding his own business, when some crazy woman jumped in front of his car as he was driving down a back road in Trinidad. Those are just a couple of the gems my dad told me when I was a kid. And, like all good daddy's girls, I believed just about every word that came out of his mouth. '...

Can't get enough of that OnionTV . It's been a long week and it's gonna be a short weekend. Since I've really only got one day to go out and have fun, it's gonna be this one. Schmidt up and bounced to Dortmund this weekend, giving some kind of excuse about needing to take care of some "business" and how his "mother" is not going to "be in town" later this "month" and they don't have a "spare key". Anyway, he'll get a taste of his own abandoning medicine when I go Frankfurt at the end of the month. I bet you he'll cry...cause if there's one thing I know about Schmidt , it's that he's a giant cry baby. NOTE: I would like to take this time to interrupt this post, because Schmidt and I have some kind of weird-ass Spidey sense and after finishing typing the last word of the previous paragraph, he called me from Dortmund. And like the giant cry baby he is, he professed his love for his hometown (wh...

Schmidt just sent me this picture from the Toni L. concert from a while ago -- he's in the middle. Wonfuzius is on the far left. I'm on the right. What can I say? I kick it with handsome (and available) men on a regular basis. Anyway, it would be a totally awesome picture of the three of us, if it weren't for two things: 1.) The weird forced smile plastered on my face and 2.) How it kinda looks like Schmidt is grabbing my boob...which he's totally not, but it doesn't make it any less awkward.

This is very funny to me.

East Magdeburg Harbor With only a few weeks of summer left, it's pretty much safe to say that everyone has given up on the idea of summer ever arriving in Hamburg. I know I have. It's been nippy as fuck lately. And when I say "lately" I mean "since June". Whatevs, though. I'm not a big fan of summer in the first place and maybe if the weather's decent (read: not raining), Schmidt and I will do our long awaited M.O.P. in the Schanzenpark this weekend. And maybe it'll just be the two of us, which is totally fine by me, as I shall quite enjoy his splendid company.* One thing that I'm totally pysched about is the death of all these fucking mosquitoes. Coming from Oklahoma -- where the summers are hot and moist and where (rather randomly, I admit) West Nile Virus threat levels are reported every night on the news -- I'm no stranger to the little buggers, but this summer has been particularly harsh on me for some reason.** However, heretofor...

Trip Fisk is back!