If it's not Raven, it's crap...

Cross-posted from Facebook : 1. With each passing year, I find myself becoming more and more sensitive to the sight of blood and guts (even, and perhaps especially, the fake variety). This is kind of weird to me because for a long time wanted to be a doctor and had no problem with animal dissections in biology or even those cadaver dissections that we did that one time…at science camp. 2. I make fun of Schmiddy for being a nerd and I like to pretend that I don’t understand what he’s talking about when he tries to explain to me how to do something with my computer. In reality, I do know what he’s basically talking about, but I’m lazy…so I play stupid so that he will do it for me. 3. I’ve already started planning my birthday party for this year. My birthday isn’t until April. 4. My biggest pet peeve is people who say that their biggest pet peeve is when other people use improper grammar. To me, it makes them sound like Baron Jakobi von Snootypants (He’s the imaginary royal that I just ...

Frosty made this Obamaicon for me earlier this week to celebrate the inauguration. Also because I've long since recruited him for my revolution (whether or not he knew it at the time): Also, I like this video from the Almost Twins (because this is a very funny concept to me). My favorite part is when one of the dudes mouths the words "That's so Raven" and then Raven-Symoné (my arch name nemesis -- although I'm loving her more and more the older I get) pops up on the screen. See if you can see it. I dare you. HIGH-FIVE INAUGURATION! - watch more funny videos

The rest of the Cologne trip was pretty uneventful. We slept in on New Year's Day, ate breakfast and relaxed. Eventually, we all went outside to take the traditional New Year's Day stroll. Actually, I don't even know if this is a tradition. However, walking around with a hangover in "nature" (in this case, the right hand side of the banks of the Rhine River) on the cold, first day of the new year, is one of the things that I associate with German New Year's traditions. At least that's what some Germans told me one time. Just as I said I would, I smoothed things over with LF and told him about Conni staying over too. He said he didn't mind, but early on the evening of the 1st, he went to his girlfriend's house and didn't come back until the next day. The boys made one last trip to Atze's place to retrieve Conni's things. So, as it turned out, I ended up getting my prized wide-tooth comb back. This might seem trivial, but as cute as my...

After our power nap, I felt completely refreshed. It was amazing, it's like we got a completely fresh start. LF offered to drive us to the store for supplies (like new toothbrushes) and I offered to pay for the groceries, since he now had two extra people in the apartment. I felt bad for Conni , because like I said, we love Conni and we basically abandoned him in Crazytown. Conni kept trying to get a hold of us to mediate the Atze situation and see if there was even the most remote of possibilities for all of us to celebrate together. Eventually, Frosty made arrangements for us to meet up with Conni before midnight -- with the condition that he couldn't bring Atze or his friends along. Still, Frosty told me that Atze was probably going to show up anyway, because that's the kind of jerk that he is. I continued with New Year's Eve preparations. I had planned to cook Spinach-Artichoke Cheesy Tortellini (both Frosty and Christine are vegetarian). Next, we would...

Keep in mind Parts 3,4,5 and now 6 are pretty much all from the same damn day and, as our group split up, it was just barely sundown. Also it's winter in Germany, so the sun goes down ridiculously early. We had the whole evening ahead of us. Frosty and I headed to towards the central train station in Cologne to pick up Christine and Courtney . After that, the four of us made our way to LF's apartment, who (see Part 1) had agreed to let the two girls stay with him. In German, the term Rabenmutter ("a raven mother"?) is applied to women considered to be unfit/bad/uncaring mothers. Not that I'd consider myself to be a particularly fit mother, but I have somewhat severe "mother hen" tendencies and they've been present since my early childhood. It has less to do with maternal instinct and much more to do with the fact that I'm such a gigantic wuss. Yes, I want people to have fun, but I can't help but remind them that danger (stranger and other...

5D sharks and feeding frenzies are all well and good and entertaining -- in their own way, I suppose – but after the movie let out we picked right back up on a conversation that had started before the film (and which we had visited several times during the past 3 days). It revolved around Lina's missed period. Ever since Frosty and I arrived in Cologne, Lina had been mentioning that she felt tired and nauseated. Add this to Atze frequently pointing out that Lina was late, all signs seemed to point to a possible pregnancy. Lina , however, attributed it on the extreme stress that she was experiencing as of late – which,  from my own experience, also seemed entirely possible. After the shark movie, Atze began to go on and on about how cool it would be to become a papa. Meanwhile, Lina kept her mouth shut. The night before, while Atze and Frosty went to pick up Conni and bring him back to the apartment, Lina and I had a little heart to heart. She asked me if stress really co...

Christine and Courtney (remember them from Part 1?) were due to arrive around 6pm on Day 3 (December 30th). This would complete our group. Conni was already there and was getting settled in. He brought Frosty a giant foxtail, meant to be worn as kind of an anti-bling fashion statement. THEN: NOW: We had big plans for the day, more sightseeing and so forth. This time, we started at the Cologne Cathedral. The cathedral is very large and very Gothic and despite living in very close proximity to this monumental structure for two months, I had never been inside. So, we went. And, as a group, decided to venture to the top. Between the ground and the viewing platform there are a shitload of stairs. Five hundred and nine, to be exact. There's a sign that says that it should take about 15 minutes to get to the top, but with the crowds of people packed into the narrow, winding stairwell (going both up and down) – also the fact that it's 509 fucking stairs – this is a generous estimate...

We now continue with the program, already in progress Day 2 was much like Day 1 – but by now it was crystal clear that Atze's behavior from the day before were more the rule rather the exception. It was a tense day and the only thing we really accomplished was a guided bus tour of the city and probably only because tickets were for two people for the price of one. The tension in the group was growing thick as time wore on and New Year's Eve was still two days away. We wanted Conni to arrive. Or at least I did. Hopefully, that would distribute some of the tension. Conni is another good friend of F rost y (see picture of us in Part 1). And Conni is great. He's just a genuinely nice guy and one of my favorite of Frosty's friends. He knows how to have a good time on a budget and is very good at going with the flow.  He arrived on the evening of the second day and, for awhile at least, things started to look up.

I was skyping with Pickles this afternoon and she reminded me of a "contract" inked long ago between me and my two young nieces. Although the contract is not dated, I'm assuming it's from sometime around early 2006 before I moved to Germany. It was witnessed by Pickles and signed by both parties (in this case, there are two separate contracts -- one per niece) and the witness. The lack of date probably makes it invalid in a court of law (well, that and a notary seal). However, I'm not a big fancy city lawyer and my family is kind of into silly contracts.  Case in point: my younger siblings, who are fraternal twins (boy & girl), drew up an agreement that stated that Cristal  (the younger) would for a certain period of time (I forgot how long) be referred to as "the older twin". Granted, Remy is only 22 minutes older -- but it seemed to make all the difference in the world to my little sister. Anyway, this particular contract grants my nieces a sum ...

A slight interruption in the programming schedule. I don't check my myspace page all too often anymore (maybe once a week, which much less than the frequency with which I check facebook *sigh*) Well, today I did and I found the following message in my inbox from Zoe , my 9-year-old niece: Hi Auntie!!! How are you? I hope to see you soon.....Oh and you owe me and Gabi $40.00!....So come see us soon because I want my money!!!! Here's several reasons why I dug this approach: 1.) It caught me off guard. Apparently, in the almost 3 years since I've been away, the child has not only mastered writing, but also typing (not to mention usage of improper/unnecessary ellipses -- I'm feelin' that...) 2.) The opener: She wants to know how I'm doing. Awww, sweet. 3.) The subtle brown-nosing tactic: She wants to see me soon. Double awww, she misses her auntie! 4.) Then she gets straight to the point: In her mind, we have a long standing debt to settle. I'm assuming this was...

The Happy Couple As I mentioned, Frosty knows Atze from Dresden. I knew of him by reputation and a handful Skype chats. His reputation? Supreme money- waster. He is up to his ass in debt. Granted, I know a lot of people up to their asses in debt -- myself included. However, all of Atze's debt was acquired in ridiculously retarded and completely avoidable ways, e.g. credit fraud. He would order big ticket products from mail-order companies and never pay the bill, purposefully overdraft his bank account to kingdom come and (lastly & most idiotic of all) excessive video machine gambling. Basically, all that money that he doesn't have is constantly burning a hole in his pockets. I had heard many tales of Atze’s schemes before actually meeting him in person. Once I did meet him, he didn’t strike me as the cleverest guy in the world, but everyone’s got that one not-so-bright friend that makes up for his/her dimness with charm and a sparkling personality. Right? At any rate,...

Me and Conni in front of the Cologne Cathedral Note: Once again with the delays. Sorry folks, in addition to work-related issues, I've been battling a nasty stomach flu which has rendered me incapable of keeping food/nutrients down or in. I know this is probably way too much information for my blog. However, it's also sort of fitting, because the following entries are probably going to get a little long and a little personal. So, sit tight. This might take awhile... Frosty and I left Giessen/Annerod on Sunday (the 28th) and headed down (over to?) Cologne, where we planned to ring in the new year. We felt tense after spending the last five days with his relatives and even though we were giving up the privacy (bow-chicka-bow-bow) of the basement guest room in his grandparents' home, we were looking forward to relaxing with friends and partying and so forth. Originally, our New Year's plan was to celebrate in Warsaw (Poland) or in Dresden. Then later, Warsaw was replace...

THE REST I cried a little bit during the Christmas holidays.  I'm not ashamed to admit it. Family gatherings, even though I'm not such a big fan of them, make me think of my own family and how much I miss them. It's easier when you're far away because you don't have to deal with the little petty bullshit that threatens to ruin your holiday mood. But the older I get and  the more different types of families I get to see in action, the more I appreciate the craziness of my own insane family....and the more I miss them on these family-centric holidays.  We're not perfect. We're loud, somewhat ignorant of each other's personal space and, as I may have previously mentioned, quick to threaten each other physically (see: Remy's teeth mark scar on his chest, Darron's penchant for holding people up at knife-point). All families are more or less dysfunctional in their own way.  My family (my siblings and my mother's side) is just full of raw emotion....

THE CHIL'RENS That’s right, I’m not done with the Christmas story as yet. I got distracted. You may be wondering why I haven’t posted any photos from Giessen / Annerod. It’s because I kept leaving my camera behind whenever we went anywhere. However, I would like to add that the reason I kept leaving my camera behind is because I could have sworn that I saw Frosty holding his camera whenever we went out the door. Sadly, we would arrive at photo-worthy places, only to discover that neither one of us had a photo-making apparatus. It wasn’t until we got to Cologne…and that’s kind of where the trip got crazy. And then, I was too busy dealing with the crazy to take pictures. So, the only photographic evidence that I have from Christmas is a set of Frosty and his 4-year-old cousin, JS , playing with make-up. She painted his nails and showed him how to apply eye shadow (something I didn’t learn how to do until I turned 20). It was precious. Her face is actually not at all blurry in real ...

1st DAY OF CHRISTMAS No one has ever really given me a sufficient answer as to why the Germans have the 1st and 2nd days of Christmas (December 25th & 26th). I mean...ok...I do get it, but it doesn't stop me from being annoyed at everything being closed for those two days. We got up and, once again, had a family breakfast. There was a nice little discussion going on, Frosty was explaining stuff about hip-hop to his elderly grandparents. Frosty was sitting to my right, his grandpa to my left and I was there in the middle drifting in an out of the conversation. Suddenly, everyone at the table began shouting at one another. Grandpa was shouting at Frosty , Frosty was shouting back. C. Dub jumped in (from my perspective, out of nowhere) with some kind of literary comparison to Bertolt Brecht that left me trying to find the connection between her reference and the over all topic of conversation (shouting), which I still assumed was hip-hop. Then, grandma got fed up with the yellin...

CHRISTMAS EVE In the past seven years (which is how long I've been celebrating the holidays in Germany), I can't really say that I've ever experienced an "authentic German Christmas". My overwhelming German Christmas tradition has consisted of eating tacos until I burst (with Schmiddy and Wonfuzius ) and drinking beer and watching The Life of Brian . One time, I had a delicious turkey dinner around Christmastime. And last year, we ate fondue with the Rosenthals in Bochum. In Germany, the main Christmas celebration takes place on December 24th. Typically, there's a good deal of food consumed. And at some point during the day -- if children are involved -- they are distracted so that either the "Christmas Guy" ( Der Weihnachtsmann aka Santa Claus) or the Baby Jesus ( Das Christkind ) can sneak into the house to bring the gifts. This was kind of a Baby Jesus household, so the morning and afternoon were spent distracting two little girls from getting i...

THE ARRIVAL I arrived in Giessen around 9pm on December 23rd. Frosty had gotten in about three days before and came to pick me up. C. Dub was due to arrive about an hour after me so Frosty and I walked until her train got in, then the three of us made our way to Annerod by bus. We ate a delicious pumpkin & vegetable soup for dinner, as I awkwardly sat and listened to C. Dub squabble with her parents over whether or not Frosty had a set bedtime when he was as young as his cousins (who are 4 and 2 years old). An uncomfortable silence ensued as C. Dub went on the defensive against her parents' passive aggressive comments regarding her parenting style while Frosty was a toddler (20 some odd years ago). It was a foreshadowing of the days to come, though I didn't really notice it at the time. As a peace offering/bribe, I brought some of my beloved Hamburg Franzbrötchen as a gift for Frosty's grandparents for breakfast the next morning. Then Frosty and I retired to th...

THE BUILD UP My previously mentioned insecurity (i.e. my imaginary (?) personality defect that I assumed to be the reason for not being introduced to his family earlier in the year) reared its big ugly head in the weeks leading up to Christmas. I really wanted to make a good first impression, but without making it look like I was trying too hard. To be honest, I haven't been introduced to that many parents (and approximately zero grandparents, uncles, aunts or cousins) of people that I've been involved with. I was nervous. To console me, Frosty told me that they'd like me because he likes me and that was enough. To prepare me, C. Dub told me that she and her parents ( Frosty's grandparents) didn't see eye-to-eye on most issues and that family atmosphere could get a little tense, with Frosty sometimes caught in the middle. Very reassuring.

PREFACE Last spring ('08), Frosty attended two family events: the christening of one of his young cousins and his uncle's wedding. When he first mentioned the festivities, I made some not-so-subtle offers to go along as his date, which were met with equally non-subtle rejections of my offers. Having already met and bonded with C. Dub (a.k.a. Frosty's mama), I felt that meeting the rest of his family (a.k.a. the Wolff Pack ) was the next logical step. It didn't exactly hurt my feelings that he didn't want me to escort him to the christening or the wedding, but an eensy weensy part of my brain was convinced that my exclusion from the events must have been based on some horrible personality failure on my part. Because really...I'm insecure like that. So I basically just dropped the whole family introduction thing. As the year began wrapping up and the time for holiday planning rolled around (ummm...like mid-November). I started to inquire about Frosty's Chri...

First of all, I'd like to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I don't know if it counts, but I was on the road for the past 11 days and was online long enough to check my emails and occasionally update my Facebook status (lame, I know). Secondly, I don't even know where/how to begin the tale of how I spent my Christmas/New Year's vacation. It was quite the surreal experience and I will try my best to recount the events in the following two posts. I'm about halfway through writing it all...so if you bear with me...there should me some new material and photographic evidence by tomorrow.