If it's not Raven, it's crap...

(Source: Doghouse Diaries ) A lot of important things happened on the planet this year. However, much like this is not a cooking blog, this is also not a blog in which I rehash world events.  I want to take this time to come to terms with a new and fascinating discovery in my life: Schmiddy's beard.  Yes, yes...I know what you're thinking, " Schmiddy has a beard?!" I know, right? He has a full beard now. Also, hair on his head! Like you, I'm also absolutely astonished that international media declined to make even the smallest report about this. I had to find out all on my own.  It's a wild story, so I suppose I should start at the very beginning...

Ok, so the title of this post is a bit willfully ambiguous. I'm pretty sure I didn't learn 2013 things about narrative design this year, but I did learn a lot about how easy it is to write something that can be misinterpreted by thousands of people and how fucking hard it is to write with clarity and brevity. The latter is roughly 90% of the job (see point#1). On the way home from the company party on Friday, I thought about a few of the lessons I learned this year and made a note of them in my phone. Let's see if I can re-hash them below:

  I don't know if it's because I'm getting older (or that I've been living in Germany for so long or some kind of combination of the two or that my life is just that boring right now), but sometimes a complaint letter is one of the only things that can soothe a consumer murder-rage moment these days. Ok, murder-rage is an exaggeration, but you know that I mean. One of those moments when an exchange takes place between you and a business and it is (at least in that moment) the most stupid thing you've ever heard/experienced. Schmiddy is the reigning king of complaint letters (at least in my eyes). Several years ago, I'd found a tip in NEON magazine , which advised that you add "ESKALATION" to the subject line of your complaints to get them moved up the ladder. I imparted this information to Schmiddy and he never looked back. His letters are candid and brutally scathing without crossing over into foul language or insults. They are truly a thi...

  (Source: Wikimedia Commons) So, I came down with cold again last week. I feel like it should be impossible, since I already had one at the end of September. It's as if that cold were the biological equivalent of painting sacrificial lamb's blood over my door, so as to ward off the angel of death . Yes, I don't know how colds work anymore, even though I found the image above on the Wikipedia article about the common cold. Please do not enlighten me. Bla bla bla...I'm not listening. I'm still pretty serious about getting a lot of work done in the next 2.5 weeks, so I don't really have time for this being sick shit. After resting up this weekend, I can only hope to be fit enough to make it through the upcoming week, especially tomorrow. Until then, I will be slathered in a fine layer of Vicks VapoRub. On a good note, I managed to get lights up in the kitchen, living room, and bedroom. Adiós, floor lamps (except for when mood lighting is necessary)! I now...