Happy Zombie

Just thought y'all would like to know

It all started that summer before I left for Germany after my sister Robbyn and I went to go see the remake of the movie Dawn of the Dead. Wait, no -- allow me to correct myself -- before she tricked me into seeing the remake of the movie Dawn of the Dead by promising me a 6-pack of the beer of my choice.


On the ride back home we got into an argument about what would happen should one of us be bitten by a zombie and eminent zombiehood were approaching.

Robbyn's point of view: If she gets bit, she'd want to be shot in the head right away before she could become a zombie. Additionally, should I be bitten first...she'd preemptively shoot me without a second thought (because "you know, it's, like, gonna happen anyway).

My point of view: If she were to get bitten by a zombie I'd let her bite me (not in the face) and then we could be zombies together.

Frankly, I was hurt when she told me she'd shoot me...and we didn't speak to each other for most of the rest of the ride home from the movie theater.

Now, over a year later, the Zombie Debate is threatening to tear my family apart. Last night, three of my sisters (Gillian (32-years-old), Robbyn (28) and Cristal (21)), and (my own friggin) mother and I had a virtual shouting match over this debate. The are few scenarios more ridiculous to imagine than 5 grown-ass women yelling at each other (in a semi-serious way) about zombies. Gillian even went so far as to bring up parallels to the Terry Schivo case.

Which -- I'm sorry -- that's just stupid. Terry Schivo wasn't trying to eat people's brains in order to turn them into ... you know ... whatever she was. I dunno, maybe she should have, because that would have been at least something...

I digress, however.

It's not that I'm a "zombie-lover" as Robbyn so tactfully phrased it. I wouldn't actively seek out to become a zombie and I wouldn't want to just be zombies with anyone. My mom's younger sister (aka my godmother)? I'd totally take her out if she even just looked at my precious brain in a cross-eyed manner...

If I think about it, that's like the Ultimate Friendship Test (UFT) in my book. If you get bitten by a zombie and I kill you ... we were never really friends. But if we're true homies (in the ride or die sense), I would totally go cruisin for brains with you -- is it so wrong that I'd expect the same thing in return?

And who knows? Being a zombie might be the funnest thing ever. It might just have a bad rap because of all the Hollywood hype and crazy video games.

Anyway, here's how my family is split on the issue so far:

Robbyn: Anti-Zombie "Because it's not really you in there"

Gillian: Anti-Zombie "I don't like guns and I've never shot one, but I'd totally shoot you if you were bitten by a zombie."

Mom: Anti-Zombie Robbyn: Mom, if Raven died and came back from the dead as a Zombie, what would yo... Mom: CUT HER HEAD OFF!!!

Cristal: Pro-Zombie* "It's about doing things together"

Raven: Pro-Zombie

Remington: Split

Dad: Anti-Zombie "We've got the fire power, why the hell not?

After about an hour of arguing we called my brother Remington in New Mexico and asked for his opinion on the matter. He couldn't really make up his mind, but he said at least once that he'd be a zombie with me, so in my heart I'll count him as a pro-zombie vote.

Then, long after Gillian and Cristal went home and my dad had come home from work -- we asked him what he'd do.

Anyway, judging from the response, I sure hope that zombies don't exist or if they do that an attack does not break out. Needlesstosay, I'm pretty disappointed with my family -- even though I'm pretty sure that this debate isn't over, as three people have yet to give a response.