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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Pink cadillacs of the apocalypse

Your guts (I hate 'em)
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I wouldn't consider myself a terribly impolite person. I probably won't be winning any Miss Manners contests anytime soon, but don't think I make a completely horrible impression on your parents/friends/random important-type people (I mean, in general my aim is to not be a total embarrassment).

However, sometimes I find that I have this eensy-weensy little problemo with small talk, being interested in things that are totally lame and letting people down easy while expressing to them that I find things that they hold dear to be totally lame. I suppose this could easily be misconstrued as being somewhat rude.

I do try to throw out hints of disinterest before it gets to that point or just keep my mouth shut...but some people apparently don't know when to quit.

Today, I ran into my friend D at lunch and she was sitting with a co-worker from her department (who is, coincidentally, the "independent beauty consultant" from last month's wacky Mary Kay hijinx)

Now, I have a whole 30 minutes for lunch and that's just enough time to go to the bathroom, refill my coffee cup, scarf something down, smoke a cig...and then I have about 10 minutes to brace myself for the afternoon onslaught of morons who call. What I don't want to do during that time is get the fucking Mary Kay Inquisition on my ass for not wanting to become one of them.

It was actually a pretty mean trick on D's part. Prior to my arrival, she was probably getting the 10th degree from the MK rep about becoming a consultant. D has a serious problem saying no to people. I really should have sensed something when I sat down and D said, "Why don't you ask Raven?" (Very sneaky, D).

And then my second problem came up when I stupidly responded, "Ask me what?"

Then the following conversation ensued:

MK Bitch: Would you like to become a Mary Kay independent beauty consultant?
By the way, those are the exact words that will trigger the end of the world, I'm sure of it

Me: No thanks, I honestly don't really wear make-up that often.

MKB: (Interpreting my previous statement to mean that I don't know how to apply make-up) Well, they'll actually teach you everything you need to know, how to put on make-up and .... [bla bla bla]

Me: No actually, I know how to put on make-up, I just don't like to.

MKB: But you'll have first-hand access to the newest Mary Kay products.

Me: (I then shot D a look that can only be interpreted as 'I'm going to murder you later') Sorry, but it's not my thing.

MKB: I just got back from a conference in Dallas and it was so much fun, I got to learn some really great make-up techniques and see some [bla bla bla] and meet some [other make-up bitches]. I'd be your mentor and it'd be really a lot of fun, don't you think?

Me: (mental cringe) But, that's not exactly my idea of fun.

MKB: But didn't you have fun at the Mary Kay party?

Me: Well (devilish grin in D's direction) I really only went because D asked me. She's the real Mary Kay fan. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to step outside for a smoke before my lunch is over.

Once outside, I proceeded to make goofy faces at D through the glass window, while MKB's back was turned away.

Cause you know...fool me once, D...

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