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Thursday, April 20, 2006

Who do you think we are, *****?!

"Hi, I'm looking for rates on a renting a killer whale from April 24th through May 3rd..."
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Topics I considered writing about today:

- my dental woes
- my father's recent hospitalization, the subsequent trip to visit him, and the incredulous look Robbyn and I received from the on-duty nurse after inquiring about his treatment plan (Nurse: And what relation are you again? Me and Robbyn: We're his daughters. Nurse: Riiiiight.)
- my little sister's surprise visit to the emergency room
- my almost-overwhelming anxiety related to my impending relocation
- how hot the new Murs album, Murray's Revenge, is. (Real hot, btw)

I shall, however, take the coward's way out and impart several work-related anecdotes. Like to hear, here we go:

1.) Yesterday, I locked my keys in the car. It's not really work-related, aside from the fact that I deal with a buncha muthafuckas everyday that lock their keys in their rental car. I used to pride myself on the fact that I'm not that retarded. In fact, before yesterday, in my 24 years on earth I've never locked my keys in a vehicle that I was driving. Luckily, I know of at least two different people that have spare keys to my dad's pickup truck.

2.) Monday I was somehow chosen from a list of (seemingly) brown-nosing douchbags to participate in a department "focus group". Apparently my performance level warranted pulling me off of the phones for 90 mins to discuss why the Emergency Roadside Department has been losing so many employees. Some of the questions I was asked included, "Why do you think our department has lost so many people in the past six months?" and "Why have you chosen to stay with the department for as long as you have?" Answers: "Shitty pay, shitty hours, and constant verbal abuse" and "Weekly paycheck, promixity to my living quarters, and health benefits"...respectively.

Poll of the week: Should I put in 2 weeks notice or not?

3.) For the life of me, I can't figure out how to begin this next part, but I suppose it starts off with the memo I got in my mailbox about my company's safety policy. It basically stated that we had fewer on-the-job accidents in 2005 that we had in 2004, and how they hope to anticipate even fewer incidents in 2006. Unfortunately, it arrived the day after I had a most disturbing encounter with the cleaning lady in the elevator, in which she informed me that a fellow "co-worker" had some (shall I say) "continence difficulties" and took a "shit all over the main staircase."

The cleaning lady was, needless to say...livid.

Frankly, I don't blame her. Also, it makes me all the more happy to soon be rid of these nasty-ass (excuse the pun) bastards.

Anyway, that's it. I look forward to my upcoming vacation. Ten days off...woo hoo! Stay tuned for Raven's Super-Badass, Ultra-Awesome Vacation-O-Fun. Four more days to go.

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