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The goodness




Step 1: Eat a Zwiebelmettwurst sandwich with extra onions on top. Step 2: Sit back and wait for the ladies to jump on your crotch rocket.
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Just as a concept, Zwiebelmettwurst sounds completely and utterly disgusting. You've got Zwiebel which means onion and that's alright, because onions are the bomb. However, then you've got this whole Mettwurst thing and it's like basically raw minced sausage.

My first encounter with the stuff was back in 1998 with my host family in Berlin. After waking up for my first day of school, I came in to the kitchen only to find my host dad spreading what looked like raw ground beef on to a piece of bread. When he offered me some to try, I politely declined and reached for the jar of Nutella. It wasn't until we ran out of Nutella that I plucked up the courage to give the meat a go.

In reality, Zwiebelmettwurst is extremely delicious. Before André brought some home last night, I had almost forgotten about it. The extra onions on top made it even better. It's a definite breath killer...but totally worth it.

Anyway, in closing, people ask me all the time why I decided to come back to Germany. I never had an answer until now: S-P-R-E-A-D-A-B-L-E...spreadable meat, bitches. Yes, onion-flavored meat that you can spread on a warm piece of toast, as though that meat were butter.

That's why I'm back and -- God willing -- that's why I'll stay.

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