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Sunday, July 02, 2006

Pickles, space shuttles, and conflicting plans for world domination

Found this for you, Robbyn

Thanks to André, I've been doing pretty well with my soccer boycott. This is because he could care less about the game and, in turn, his apathy reinforces my will to not participate in the madness. We make a great team, right?

But even though we're just not that into soccer, we love space shuttle launches! And when I say "we" I mean André, but I love to ask him dumb questions about space shuttles during launches. Surprisingly it's a lot like soccer. For example, both have boring commentators, fans dress up for the occasion (see André's new space shirt), and sometimes you have to brace yourself for the agonizing sting of defeat (launch postponed...yet again). Yes, it's just like soccer...but for nerds.

Anyway, I was still digesting the fact that I had just watched about 3 hours of space shuttle footage (in which the end result was not "Blast off!"), when André mentioned that S.A.M. III (present because he had been over here studying for the better part of the day) had come up with his own plan for world domination.

Then we proceeded to have a brief conversation that went something along the lines of:

Me: So, you've got a plan for world domination, too?
S.A.M. III: Yeah, I've thought it all out and everything.
Me: Yeah, so have I.
S.A.M. III: But I mean, I have like an idea and calculations and everything.
Me: Oh...well...hmmm....

So, I lied. I haven't really given it that much thought, because the beautiful thing about the Mulatto Revolution is that it just kind of happens on it's own. All I gotta do is sit back and wait for the right moment to seize power. Also, like 85% of the revolution* is about getting it on with people who have a different skin color than you...and not even explicitly for the purposes of procreation. Seriously, just talking about getting it on here...and who in their right mind could be against a revolution like that?!**

On the other hand, leave it to an engineer to come up with the following plan:

So, how I understand it, is that the earth will made into a cylinder, which greatly increases the speed of its rotation, which then makes people fly off of the planet...
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It's possible that my non-technical mind isn't fully grasping the entire scope of this plan. It's not that I think it lacks imagination -- because it doesn't -- it's just that I don't see the fun part of this scheme. I think it falls under the category of world annihilation, rather than world domination.

Also, I don't get how the world is supposed to become a cylinder.

That said, if he were to succeed, then yes, my plans for the Mulatto Revolution will have been ruined...but only in the sense that he would have ruined everyone's plans for everything (except, of course, his plan to make the world into a cylinder that flings everyone into the depths of space).

That alone makes him quite a formidable opponent***


*= The other 15% of the revolution is about forced labor and catering to my narcissistic whims.

**= Apparently Buche, because the only thing I've heard about his plan is to make sure that my plan never succeeds.

***= I am not just saying this because he's wicked cute.

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