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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Max Power Entry

Your tears...they taste so delicious.

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Note: This post contains ruminations from the distant past, the semi-recent past, the recent-present, and the future. It's a lot of information to take in at once, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Once upon a time, when I was a wee 16-or-17-year-old-(-ish?) Raven, I went on a date-like thingy with a member of the opposite sex that I found somewhat attractive-ish at the time. Nothing big, your run-of-the-mill dinner and a movie fare. Don't remember the movie, don't remember where we ate. However, I do remember being told at the end of the evening that I wasn't "very ladylike". Not like in an out and out insulting way, more like an "oh, by the way"... I also remember thinking, "What the shit is that supposed to mean?!"

Before that time, I was fairly firm in my belief that my parents had raised me with more than adequate social skills. I really couldn't figure out what I had done wrong (if anything) but it was one of those experiences that become ingrained in one's pyche. For some reason, to this day, I equate "ladylike" with "fancy", which is ridiculous because at that point in my life, the fanciest place that I'd ever been was Red Lobster (and the aforementioned instance mostly likely took place at some place like the Olive Garden...seriously, I don't remember).

At any rate, over the years I've developed a kind of neurosis about events that I consider "fancy" (e.g. theater, opera, art galleries, "chi-chi" restaurants and cafes, etc.) There's an underlying fear that I'll somehow totally fuck up and embarass the person that I'm accompanying.

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Sometime mid-2005 (give or take) I was visiting SupaD in Berlin and she invited me to a vernissage at the art gallery where she works. I was at once deeply impressed by the fancy wordage for "art show" as well as completely terrified of what I was going to encounter. What to wear?! What to say?! How to act?!

My inferiority complex took over for the evening and I spent roughly the first hour or so collecting empty champagne and wine glasses until Supes literally told me, "Dude...cut it out."

At which point, I proceeded to get thoroughly sauced...because (for reals, yo) "vernissage" might as well mean "free booze" in French, for all I'm concerned. It was on this evening that I discovered for the first time, that even if a person is a filthy rich art collector, they'll still talk shit about their peers and get trashed like the rest of us bottom feeders. Just with more expensive brands of booze.

So, when Seven suggested that we go to a vernissage last Friday, my first thought was naturally, "Verni-whaty?!"

Then, I felt like a tool when she explained a concept to me that I already knew about...

Even so, it didn't stop me from being more than slightly intimidated. I like to think that I'm the kind of person that knows at least a little bit more than I'm sometimes given credit for, but at the same time...I feel like I don't even know where to begin in terms of evaluating the aesthetic merit of something like this.

But, Seven assured me that it was real laid back..."urban art" type folks.

Urban?! Ok, that means like "from the streets", right? Ok...I can get down with that.

P.S. I'm sure it goes without saying that I am not in any way, shape or form, "from the streets"

Still, the atmosphere was quite relaxed and not intimidating in the least. Thanks, in part, to the presence of rappers.

I never really thought about it before, but rappers just kind of give you a good feeling inside. I mean aside from the times when they might be talking about shooting you, or stabbing you in the face, or ass-raping your mom. Yup, other than that, rappers just put one at ease.

Like if you were to go to the opera and you were all nervous and shit, but then you glance down the row and see...let's say, the Ying Yang Twins, for example. All of a sudden, the intimidation would be gone. Not like in the sense that "whatever's good for a rapper is good for me", but more like in the sense that "ok, maybe there's someone here that knows as little about this stuff as I do."

And true, it's entirely possible that the Ying Yang Twins are opera savants (who knows?!), however, the fact that they are rappers would supersede that tidbit. That and the fact that they are neither asian, nor related to each other. It's just a little somethin that helps me sleep better at night.

At any rate, this got me thinkin about the future (you know, say it with me, chil'rens: "When The Revolution Gets Here").

In addition to housing my closest friends and family, the Fortress of Mullatotude is going to gather up all the finest minds of the "so-called" Rapademia (rap/academia...clever, I know). I want an ace team of Rapgineers, who will work on finding a solution to the main threat to The Revolution, namely S.A.M. III's (aka Captain Partypooper's) plan to turn the stupid Earth into a stupid cylinder and vaulting us all into stupid Outer Space.

In the event that no solution can be found, by that time Schmidt will have developed some badass Blended Wing Body spaceships and we'll just cheese it... leaving the Notorious S.A.M. down in his bunker with his totally awesome record collection and most likely an equally awesome porn stash.

I don't know where we'd relocate to, I'll have my rapstronomers look into it. That is, when they're not lacing hot tracks with verbal fiyah. One things for sure, we'll build a new society on rap, call it Mullatotopia and it will be doper than dope.

My list of rapademics is still incomplete. Not because I can't find any MCs with university degrees, but mostly because I can't afford to have 15 MCs who all majored in Communications. One or two is fine...especially once we get established, but realistically speaking I'd prefer someone who could design and build cities, with things like a functional sewage system and ASAP... because, seriously, I don't like going to the bathroom in the outdoors.

By the way, I already know who I'm drafting to design my cities. Ice Cube -- who has a degree in architectual design from the Phoenix Institute of Technology. Granted, it was a vo-tech institution (that no longer exists apparently)...and probably only an Associate's Degree, but there's no way I'm going to let him start acting on my planet. I'll leave that up to the certified professionals, like Talib Kweli who has a B.A. in Experimental Theater from NYU.

I'll probably end up inviting a bunch of German rappers, too. There are quite a few of them with some pretty useful skillz.

Defari, with his Ivy League M.A. in Education will of course play the role of Minister of Education...and Weed.

I'm also gonna throw Psalm One in the mix, who's a bit lesser known, but she actually quit her job as a chemist to be a rapper. This would be her opportunity to do both...also she just seems like she'd be way fun to hang out with.

Not so cocky now, are you Kanye?

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