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Friday, June 08, 2007

Free Advice

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Hello Boys and Girls, today's lesson is about dreams and why you should never ever try to make them come true.

You ever heard of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? He had a dream. And look where it got him.

Dreams are for crazy people. They often start in a weird place like a gummi bear factory and at some point you realize that you're no longer wearing any pants. That's basically what all dreams are in a nutshell...totally fucking retarded.

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Need more proof? My biggest dream is to live around Germans for as long as I can. How dumb is that?! I don't even know why I want to do this and, honestly, I wouldn't be too surprised to look down one day and realize that I haven't been wearing pants for the last year.

The other part of my dream is much much cooler and involves devising a way to pretty much never have to pay to get into a concert ever again, get free music and free music swag for me and my friends and to basically get paid to listen to music all day long. I've figured out how to make this happen and didn't think that it was too much to ask for to make it all work.

Well, apparently the city of Hamburg thought that it was. So, they've been giving me shit about it for like the longest time. You wouldn't even believe it (mostly because I think this is one of the first times I've ever mentioned it on my blog).

For almost a year now, I've been going, "Hey look guys, I just wanna live amongst y'all and listen to some fuckin rap music. That. Is. It. Pretty please...c'mon guys, don't be such dicks about it."

And then Hamburg has been all like, "No way, dude. We're not dicks...don't call us that..we'll deport you."

It's been pretty fucked up and has kinda been driving me completely fucking insane. But that's what happens when you try to make your dreams come true. You're already crazy to begin with because you honestly think somewhere in your head that it'll all work out...and then you just become even crazier. Then you're dragging lawyers and shit into the whole mess and you're learning all sorts of new big (and in my case German) words that don't even have anything to do with rap at all.

Then, one day you're staring at a 15-page court ruling with the words "Raven Channing Brooks vs. The Free and Hanseatic City of Hamburg" on the front.

It is at that moment when you will probably say to yourself,

"What the hell was I thinking?! I must be out of my goddamned mind...I just wanted to listen to some Germans and live with rap music."

That's what happens when you follow your dream. Complete mental obliteration.

But sometimes you follow your dreams and sometimes the city will try to stand in the way of you and your Germans and your rap music. And this is ALWAYS unacceptable. So, sometimes you gotta hire a lawyer in Harburg and fucking take the city to court, goddamn it! And sometimes, the judges will be on your side... and they'll sometimes also make the city pay for your court costs and lawyer fees.

I hate complete mental obliteration. But I love me some free stuff...

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