Skip to main content

Free Advice

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Hello Boys and Girls, today's lesson is about dreams and why you should never ever try to make them come true.

You ever heard of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.? He had a dream. And look where it got him.

Dreams are for crazy people. They often start in a weird place like a gummi bear factory and at some point you realize that you're no longer wearing any pants. That's basically what all dreams are in a nutshell...totally fucking retarded.

(Click Below for More)

Need more proof? My biggest dream is to live around Germans for as long as I can. How dumb is that?! I don't even know why I want to do this and, honestly, I wouldn't be too surprised to look down one day and realize that I haven't been wearing pants for the last year.

The other part of my dream is much much cooler and involves devising a way to pretty much never have to pay to get into a concert ever again, get free music and free music swag for me and my friends and to basically get paid to listen to music all day long. I've figured out how to make this happen and didn't think that it was too much to ask for to make it all work.

Well, apparently the city of Hamburg thought that it was. So, they've been giving me shit about it for like the longest time. You wouldn't even believe it (mostly because I think this is one of the first times I've ever mentioned it on my blog).

For almost a year now, I've been going, "Hey look guys, I just wanna live amongst y'all and listen to some fuckin rap music. That. Is. It. Pretty please...c'mon guys, don't be such dicks about it."

And then Hamburg has been all like, "No way, dude. We're not dicks...don't call us that..we'll deport you."

It's been pretty fucked up and has kinda been driving me completely fucking insane. But that's what happens when you try to make your dreams come true. You're already crazy to begin with because you honestly think somewhere in your head that it'll all work out...and then you just become even crazier. Then you're dragging lawyers and shit into the whole mess and you're learning all sorts of new big (and in my case German) words that don't even have anything to do with rap at all.

Then, one day you're staring at a 15-page court ruling with the words "Raven Channing Brooks vs. The Free and Hanseatic City of Hamburg" on the front.

It is at that moment when you will probably say to yourself,

"What the hell was I thinking?! I must be out of my goddamned mind...I just wanted to listen to some Germans and live with rap music."

That's what happens when you follow your dream. Complete mental obliteration.

But sometimes you follow your dreams and sometimes the city will try to stand in the way of you and your Germans and your rap music. And this is ALWAYS unacceptable. So, sometimes you gotta hire a lawyer in Harburg and fucking take the city to court, goddamn it! And sometimes, the judges will be on your side... and they'll sometimes also make the city pay for your court costs and lawyer fees.

I hate complete mental obliteration. But I love me some free stuff...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best Taco Bell in Germany

 Last weekend, I crossed off a major item on my bucket list. I went to Taco Bell in Germany. "But Raven, shouldn't you aspire to better, healthier things that have a measurable positive impact on society?" I know that's what you're thinking, but I don't really give a crap... because you are not the boss of me.  I wanted Taco Bell, because it's probably the one thing from back at home that I crave the most. Say what you want about it (again, I don't give a crap), but get at me when you've spent years away from your homeland and are unable to acquire whatever nasty-ass comfort food is available wherever you're from. For me, my nasty-ass comfort food of choice is Taco Bell...with Sonic a close second. However, you can't even find Sonic all over the U.S. and I don't find myself craving burgers and hot dogs all the time (plus, those urges are a lot easier to satisfy than a craving for Mexican or Tex-mex).
3 comments
More crap »

The One Who Got Away (Part 6): PLOT TWIST

Quick Translation: This confirms that German citizenship will not be opposed, if within two years it can be verified that the aforementioned person no longer possesses citizenship for Trinidad and Tobago e   and/or has fulfilled the requirements for the loss of this citizenship and that nothing has happened in the meantime, which would forbid naturalization.  I almost forgot what it felt like to receive a industrial size dose of 100% homegrown German bureaucratic pedantry. Luckily, the German authorities will never leave you too long without a fix. You can count on that. As you can see from the picture above (and from my previous posts), Trinidad and Tobago e  had only been mentioned once in passing up until now, when I finalized my application and paid the fee. Mr. S: Your mother was naturalized in the U.S. after you were born? Me: Yes, but she never applied for Trinidadian citizenship for me, which would have had to have been done by my 18th birthday.  Mr. S: Ok. (Ac
Post a Comment
More crap »

The One Who Got Away (Part 5)

Pro tip: Don't estimate the amount of time it will take to review your citizenship application based on the amount of time it took to get the results of your citizenship test. So far, this has been the area of the German-side of the process that ran a little closer to my bureaucratic expectations, namely, if an official expresses a length of time -- e.g. 3-6 months -- things will start moving closer to the six month mark than the three month mark. Getting down to the wire, I was (and still am) slightly concerned that this would drag on and I would have to renew my U.S. passport first, since it's getting kinda close to the point where it's only valid for six months. This would have cost me 1.) more money 2.) plus a trip to a consulate that actually does shit for U.S. citizens 3.) money and time off work for a trip to Bremen, Berlin, or Frankfurt. As luck would have it, I finally received notification that the Germans are letting me in! The full term is that they are
Post a Comment
More crap »