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Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Frohes Neues (aka Happy New Year)


I'm back in Hamburg. It's a new year, a new decade. I think I'll start it up by telling you about how last year ended.

The advantage in ending 2008/starting 2009 in such a spectacularly disasterous fashion was that it set the bar pretty low for New Year's Eve 2009. Sure the story might not be as interesting or multi-parted, but I was just aiming for a celebration that didn't end with anyone crying/yelling/stalking/over-zealously-late-night-bong-hitting/unwantedly pregnant. I don't think that's asking for too much. Luckily for us, 100% of all the things that went wrong in 2008 could be attributed to one person cocking up the fun for everyone else. Removing that crazy mess from the equation reassured me that whatever happened...it would not be as bad as New Year's Eve 2008.

Several plans had been floating around since Sept/Oct 2009. Leipzig was an early choice, with Dresden as a back up. Hamburg was also being considered as a party spot, but lost out due to sleeping logistics (maybe next year guys?). I actually arrived in Dresden thinking that we were going to spend the 31st in Leipzig. However, when Conni and FQ picked me up from the train station, they informed me that Leipzig was out and Dresden was in.

I honestly didn't care one way or the other, but then Conni started talking some crazy talk about going hiking in the Sächsiche Schweiz (kind of like the "Alps" of Saxony...because I think the translation Saxon Switzerland is dumb) on the morning/afternoon of the 31st and then barbecuing at some point along the way. Also drinking beer. Nothing really surprising to this plan because it basically follows the Conni Unified Equation of Outstanding Event Planning:

(Outdoor Activity + (Fire + Meat) + Beer(Liquor)² ) / Farts = FUN

And for New Year's Eve, just add fireworks from the Czech Republic or Poland...for that extra explosive factor.

Conni is great. I can't say that enough. But I had to ask myself, "Do I like Conni enough to subject myself to peeing outdoors in the snow?" The reason that I'm not such a fan of the great outdoors is because I'm a HUGE fan of indoor plumbing. It's such an ordeal even in the relatively optimal conditions of spring, summer and fall. But winter? C'mon guy...that's asking a bit much.

I'll break it down for you real quick. My main goal when peeing outdoors is simply to relieve myself without relieving on myself. There are many ways that this can go wrong if you're not equipped with anatomy that can shoot the urine in a perpendicular stream away from your body. You have to scout out an area, get into the proper position so as to maintain balance while squatting (and alcohol does not help you balance more), while also keeping your pants out of the line of fire. Don't forget the greater area of exposure to the elements. Nah...eff that dude...

Conni suggested that I go to Globetrotter, the outdoor/camping equipment emporium, and purchase a contraption called the "Whiz Freedom" (or something like it). All I had to do was pay roughly 20€ (roughly $29) so that I could also experience the freedom of whizzing my urine everywhere. Problem solved, right?

No. As it is, I already buy enough contraptions/products for my lady parts on the reg as it is. I'm not fuckin Inspector Gadget over here. I don't need a bunch of vag-tachments. And before I move on, I'd also just like to say, yes...I know that women have done their business for thousands of years outdoors before toilets were invented. Point is...progress was made for a reason. Also, if the apocalypse happened today and the toilets were wiped out...then fuck it...I'm done. I don't want to help rebuild humanity in a world without indoor plumbing.

Yes...first world problems...moving on...

Given the rant above, it might surprise you that I do like Conni enough to endure the whole hiking, barbecue, outdoor-peeing stuff. He has such a good attitude about everything that it still would have been fun (though I still would have bitched about it). As it turned out, at almost the last minute, Dresden was out and Leipzig was back on. So none of it really mattered anyway.

It was one of the most low key New Year's Eves that I've had in awhile. I enjoyed it. Frosty, FQ and I caught a ride from Dresden to Leipzig with a guy who pumped '90s Eurodance/House for the entire hour and a half ride. Think of your favorite (or least favorite) song in the aforementioned category, he probably played it. The only one missing was this song:



Ugh *shudder*

I just tried to close my eyes and sleep, but was defeated by the pulsating euro-beats.

Matze
is the name of the guy that we were visiting in Leipzig. Another one of Frosty's homies from back in the day. He doesn't feature in many of my Dresden tales, because he's usually working. But he was kind enough to host us all for the evening. It turned out that there were 3 couples (me + Frosty, Conni + girlfriend, Matze + girlfriend) and FQ. Having been the single person in a room full of dumb couples making googly eyes and sucking face with each other, I felt for FQ...even though he referred to a woman who is 3 years younger than me as "too old" for him. He seems intent on making it difficult for me to help him find a girlfriend.

Anyway, as a show of my eternal youthfulness and vitality, I promptly took a big-ass nap when we arrived at Matze's place. Fuck it. Mama needs a nap every now and again, especially if there's going to be late night revelry involved.

The two cute food-hedgehogs pictured above were designed as appetizers. The one on the right was made from seasoned ground pork with onions. And you spread it on bread...just like that. Note: I know what Zwiebelmett is and I like it, but (and feel free to call me naive) I always though that the kind you buy in the store was somehow different or cured or smoked in some way and not just some raw effing meat. With raw eggs mixed in. But apparently yeah...that's what it is...*sigh* I wish I never made this discovery.

The hedgehog on the left was made out of tofu. One kilogram of tofu. All for Frosty. As much as his friends give him shit about being vegan, they do like to surprise him with things like this that he can actually eat. The guy love between all of them is quite touching.

We mostly stayed indoors. It was cold and snowing outside. I don't know if anyone else in the group would have rather been off galavanting in the snow, but I was fine indoors and warm. We played some party games, drank some liquor that tasted like peppermint mouthwash and at midnight went out into the street to set off firecrackers.

We also gave FQ a big group hug. Not only out of solidarity with his singularity, but also as a way of saying thanks for putting up with our wack couples' nonsense. Oh and also because he experienced some slight (and hopefully temporary) hearing loss/tinnitus as a result of a loud Polish firecracker.

The firecracker incident was the only mishap of the night.

Verdict for NYE 2009: Not too shabby.

2 comments:

Mofo from do said...

You're so naive.
You're welcome.

lebrookski said...

you're such a dork