Skip to main content

Have I been a dad today? I seriously hope not.



Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


I don't know if you've seen these ads or not. I always see them when I'm logging out of Myspace. No where else really. I think I'm undecided as to whether or not Myspace is the absolute worst or best place to advertise a fatherhood initiative. The banner pictured above is probably my all-time favorite (so far?); however, I don't really think it's helping their cause very much.

I mean, look how happy that dude is with his computer. He's completely enamored with that thing. I'm convinced he would never be capable of looking at a child so lovingly -- even one that hath sprungeth from his own loins.

And damn...could you blame him?

I've been accused of being "anti-children". That's mostly a half-truth. I just prefer to not keep their company...by most means necessary...with a vengeance...part 2. And given the choice, I'd probably choose hanging out with a computer. And if you're curious, here's why:

1.) Computers are smarter than children.

Genius child prodigies included. Look at Doogie Howser. Sure he "knew" a lot of "stuff", but did he know more than a computer? I don't think so. And your average kid isn't even "Doogie"-smart. The last child who tried to drop some knowledge on me was my niece Gabi. She asked me, "Auntie Raven, do you know what the difference is between a chrysalis and a cocoon?" And I was like, "No, but I bet you're fixin to tell me and I bet it's something stupid that I won't care about and will not enrich me further as a person. Did you even know Cocoon was a movie, you little smart ass? I'll tell you what: why don't you hit me up when you learn something that I actually give a shit about -- like the difference between an ale and a lager?"


2.) Unlike children, I'm pretty sure that computers have brought more families together, than they have torn apart.

A.) Yes, your parents' divorce was your fault. B.) I saw nekkid pictures of your estranged sister on Facebook.


3.) Speaking of which...

Computers + porn = Thumbs up
Children + porn = BAD BAD BAD!


4.) A computer can't hug you back

On the other hand, a computer is not a carrier of the flu virus (unless some kid with grubby, flu virus-infested hands has been pawing at your computer)

5.) Kids have horrible taste in music.

Computers, on the other hand, have YOUR taste in music. And can make song/album/artist recommendations based your taste in music. Children really, really, really suck at that.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best Taco Bell in Germany

 Last weekend, I crossed off a major item on my bucket list. I went to Taco Bell in Germany. "But Raven, shouldn't you aspire to better, healthier things that have a measurable positive impact on society?" I know that's what you're thinking, but I don't really give a crap... because you are not the boss of me.  I wanted Taco Bell, because it's probably the one thing from back at home that I crave the most. Say what you want about it (again, I don't give a crap), but get at me when you've spent years away from your homeland and are unable to acquire whatever nasty-ass comfort food is available wherever you're from. For me, my nasty-ass comfort food of choice is Taco Bell...with Sonic a close second. However, you can't even find Sonic all over the U.S. and I don't find myself craving burgers and hot dogs all the time (plus, those urges are a lot easier to satisfy than a craving for Mexican or Tex-mex).
3 comments
More crap »

The One Who Got Away (Part 6): PLOT TWIST

Quick Translation: This confirms that German citizenship will not be opposed, if within two years it can be verified that the aforementioned person no longer possesses citizenship for Trinidad and Tobago e   and/or has fulfilled the requirements for the loss of this citizenship and that nothing has happened in the meantime, which would forbid naturalization.  I almost forgot what it felt like to receive a industrial size dose of 100% homegrown German bureaucratic pedantry. Luckily, the German authorities will never leave you too long without a fix. You can count on that. As you can see from the picture above (and from my previous posts), Trinidad and Tobago e  had only been mentioned once in passing up until now, when I finalized my application and paid the fee. Mr. S: Your mother was naturalized in the U.S. after you were born? Me: Yes, but she never applied for Trinidadian citizenship for me, which would have had to have been done by my 18th birthday....
Post a Comment
More crap »
I’ve been fighting a huge craving for Taco Bell all day long. I don’t know how the idea got in my head, but I can’t seem to shake it. It’s not even so much that I want tacos or Mexican(-ish) food. In fact, I think if someone were to make a taco and put it right in front of me (ok, admittedly, I would eat it). However, there would be a part of my soul that would be entirely disappointed that it wasn’t Taco Bell. I found the Unofficial Taco Bell Blog this afternoon. I highly recommend it, especially if you (in their words) want to know more about the "seemingly endless wonders of Taco Bell". If you are jonesing for the Bell, however, this site will do nothing but compound the problem. Maybe part of the reason that I can’t stop thinking about it, is because Tunde is coming to Hamburg next Tuesday. And when I think Tunde , I think about the Air Force. When I think of the Air Force, I think about how the only Taco Bells in Germany are located on Air Force bases. These location...
7 comments
More crap »