Right now, it's strange to think about things that could make me excited or happy. My default mode seems to be mopey with sardonic humor as a replacement for actual humor. Not the best look for me, perhaps, but I could probably be a lot worse. I've just accepted that I'm not going to be the life of the party and I manage to make it through the day somewhat normally (normal-ish). I've got some vague plans in the works for the coming year. It mostly involves visiting people who I've been meaning to visit for ages (like ever since I moved back to Germany six years ago). Hit me up, if you think you should be on that list. Anyway, I'm just generally reminding myself, Fuck-Yeah-Ryan-Gosling-style that, "Hey girl, it's not the end of the world."
And, truthfully, it's not. There could have been so much more drama, horrifying revelations, chaos, bitterness, and anger...but there just isn't. I've just got a bad case of the sads. While it's not the best thing that's ever happened, I also know it's the not the worst. At least, I know that in some dusty, somewhat atrophied corners of my mind.
I used to go to cafés all the time, for example. Like just sit there with a pad and some paper and write whatever came to me. I hadn't done that in ages...so I did. And I got this awesome coffee with a ginormous amount of foam.
Milk foam is one of my favorite parts of coffee. It's a thing of beauty.
Also, a co-worker loaned me his old Canon T50 (I hope semi-indefinitely). Walking around and snapping pictures is therapeutic, even if I have no clue about what I'm doing. I'm excited to see how the first roll comes out.
I've listened to so much great music this month. My next radio show is next week and I want it to be good. Great is a little bit too far out of reach, but I want it to be 2 hours of awesome music...so I don't have to think about how much I've listened to Pinkerton in the last 12 days. For an album that is 16 years old and had a pretty shitty rep when it came out, it has gotten me through a lot of heartbreak over the years. Not bad for a work that is maybe only half an hour long.
Plus, I made a nice beef stew tonight and watched some shows. And I'll finally be reunited with the rest of my meager possessions from my old room this Saturday. Also...kitchen. Oh man, when I finally get that kitchen in this month...well, then I'll need lights...but I'll be pretty fucking psyched to have a kitchen.
And, truthfully, it's not. There could have been so much more drama, horrifying revelations, chaos, bitterness, and anger...but there just isn't. I've just got a bad case of the sads. While it's not the best thing that's ever happened, I also know it's the not the worst. At least, I know that in some dusty, somewhat atrophied corners of my mind.
I used to go to cafés all the time, for example. Like just sit there with a pad and some paper and write whatever came to me. I hadn't done that in ages...so I did. And I got this awesome coffee with a ginormous amount of foam.
Milk foam is one of my favorite parts of coffee. It's a thing of beauty.
Also, a co-worker loaned me his old Canon T50 (I hope semi-indefinitely). Walking around and snapping pictures is therapeutic, even if I have no clue about what I'm doing. I'm excited to see how the first roll comes out.
I've listened to so much great music this month. My next radio show is next week and I want it to be good. Great is a little bit too far out of reach, but I want it to be 2 hours of awesome music...so I don't have to think about how much I've listened to Pinkerton in the last 12 days. For an album that is 16 years old and had a pretty shitty rep when it came out, it has gotten me through a lot of heartbreak over the years. Not bad for a work that is maybe only half an hour long.
Plus, I made a nice beef stew tonight and watched some shows. And I'll finally be reunited with the rest of my meager possessions from my old room this Saturday. Also...kitchen. Oh man, when I finally get that kitchen in this month...well, then I'll need lights...but I'll be pretty fucking psyched to have a kitchen.
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