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Becoming German #2: Generic Validation?



OMG, you guise! It's finally happened.

I'd heard about these letters from Hamburg's Erster Bürgermeister (literally: First Mayor). Yes, I know that "Bürgermeister" sounds like it should belong to Mayor McCheese and the ordinal number prefix makes it sound like there are infinite mayors of this city-state, but let's just gloss over all of that for the moment (and forever).

Basically, this is a form letter from Hamburg's mayor that is best summarized as, "Hey... gee, wouldn't it be totes awesome if you became German? You know... 'cause you've lived here so long and whatnot?" I'm not trying to take the piss or anything *puts on super serious face* the letter addresses the two biggest reasons why I'm even considering "the switch" -- 1.) being able to vote for things that I care about in the place that I live and 2.) never ever ever having to deal with the mofos at the immigration office ever again... ever. I feel very strongly about those two things.

However, as a I detailed at the beginning of the year, it's probably not going to be that easy... but mostly from the US side. Though, I'm not 100% sure about that...I'm like 92% sure of it. I should probably make an appointment for a citizenshipry consultation (I'm aware that's not a real term, but it's what I'm going to call it).

Four months ago, my friends Micky and Motu, my personal All-Things-German consultants, held a spontaneous lunchtime brainstorm to figure out how to game the system. Their idea was to establish myself as an invaluable figure in German culture. Alas, I'm not a poet or philosopher or rocket scientist or pope or soccer world champion or any type of athletic champion. Nor do I want to be. At the most, I could probably see myself on the Bundesdönerverzehrmannschaft (National Döner-eating Team), but that is (unfortunately) not a real thing. Don't get me wrong... it totally should be. But it's not.

Side note: I actually googled "competitive döner eating" and found this video. After watching it, I'm still pretty sure that C.Dub, could eat two giant haloumi dürüm from Dresden's Dürüm Kebap Haus at least that fast -- if not faster -- and wouldn't even look so "furious" while doing so. Not that she gives a fuck about competitive eating, but she'd be awesome at it.

Anyway, I guess it's nice to know that, eight years later, there are no hard feelings about all that legal razzmatazz, because in that time I've become either a female or male resident of Hamburg (Ha! Caught you red-handed with that form letter shit, Scholzi)

Still... thank you, First Master of the Citizens...

I just might have to take you up on that offer.

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