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Thursday, October 20, 2005

Ashy to Classy?

"Haters can you see me now?/ A n***a pockets so swoll'/ They can't bear to see a young n***a whole, ballin' outta control."
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Oklahoma Lottery Update:

It's been exactly a week since the lottery hit the 46th state of the Union (that would be Oklahoma, y'all). However, it took about 2 days of "lotto fever" for me to come to the conclusion that far too many people in this state are far too stupid to even play scratch-off ticket games.

Remember when I wrote that lottery tickets went on sale at a ridiculously early hour of the morning? Well, that same morning when I arrived at work, my current direct supervisor -- a woman whom I will refer to as "Jabba" (purely based on her rather unfortunate resemblance to a certain movie character) -- mentioned that she was at a convenience store shortly before 5am solely for the purpose of purchasing lottery tickets. She bought $30 worth.

After our first break, Jabba giddily announced that she had scratched off all of her tickets...and won seven whole dollars!

Well...actually, she had won $3 and 4 free tickets (each $1 in value).

Today, she claimed her 4 free tickets and spent her "winnings" ($3) on 3 additional tickets. This time, she came away with $20. Granted, 20 > 7 (Remember, Gillian, the crocodile always eats the bigger number ;) ) Still, her total expenditure was $30.

It's no secret, I'm NOT good at math AT ALL...I'll admit that up front...but she was way too happy for a person who didn't even break even.

I mean, at least my dad is up a buck. He spent $5 on 5 tickets...and won $6. That's $1 profit. Throw in $0.08 from his truck's change tray and you can get a Big Gulp from 7-11. That's 32 oz of drink, bitches...and you can mix all of the flavors at the soda fountain in one cup if you want, the 7-11 clerks don't give a fuck. Taste the freedom...

Quite possibly the funniest lottery-related story from the past week took place in the Oklahoma City suburb of Del City. Actually, I don't know if Del City is considered a suburb, but anyway...a convenience store owner was selling people phone cards with the scratch off PIN, passing them off as lottery tickets. The sad thing is that enough people were fooled by this to warrant a visit from the mayor of Del City to this convenience store.

What. The. Fuck.

Is it really that complicated, Oklahoma? Cause I can clear this up right quick for ya.

I can see how this could be confusing. The word WIN needs to be bigger and I think they should add more dollar signs. MORE DOLLAR SIGNS, I SAY!!!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
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OH MY GOD! I WON $878 558 4816...
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SHIT! But it's only good for the next 2 hours! Better call this 1-800 number...
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I suppose the point I'm trying to make here is that just because a little piece of paper says that you've doesn't mean that you're not a loser.

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