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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

This one goes out to all my Oklahomies...

Cuz ternader season is a-comin' and you summabitches need sumthin ta do, when them tv folk cut in on yer stories
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You'll probably only get this if you grew up in the OKC Metro area, but you may also appreciate it if you've spent a lot of quality time living in Tornado Alley...or also, apparently now, in Hamburg (amateurs...)

Gary England is, quite possibly, Oklahoma's premier weather man (whoops, meteorologist). I mean, he even had a bit part in the movie Twister, if I'm not mistaken. Anyway, he's been around since I was just a youngin'. In fact, I got to meet him once when he came to my elementary school. Wow, was that an exiting day, because sitting for a few hours on the cold, hard floor of the cafetorium (that's a cafeteria-slash-auditorium, ya herrd?) watching storm chaser footage, beat long division any day.

Tornado season -- which is basically starts in Spring and ends in, like, August -- can be quite a bitch, with the trying to remember the difference between tornado watches and tornado warnings, the Emergency Broadcast System screeching every 15 minutes, and the interruption of primetime evening programming.

However, with the Gary England Drinking Game you can put the "drunken fun" back into "Tornado Season".

Little known fact: it was originally called "Drunken Tornado Season Fun", but later shortened for PR purposes

[Courtesy of Robbyn, via email from Randall]

1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Caster. Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground."

2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County. Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

One drink
1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
"Hook echo" | "Updraft" | "Metro" | "Doppler radar" | "Wall cloud" | "Ranger 9" | "Underground" | "Mobile home"

2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.

3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. Take one drink if Gary says "You're not missing any of [program name]." Take one drink when Gary says "We'll keep you advised."

Two drinks
1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
"Baseball-sized hail" | "Waterloo Road" | "Pottawatomie County" | "Deer Creek High School"

2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici | Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah

3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Caster.

Three drinks
1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Caster.

2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.

3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
"Immediate tornado precautions" | "National Weather Service" | "Mesocyclone" | "Portable Radio" | "Take shelter" | "Tornado warning in effect until …"

Four drinks
1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel.

2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" | "Do you see power flashes?"

3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.

Finish your drink
1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the nearest cross streets to you.

2. If Gary says "We've lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.

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