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Friday, September 22, 2006

An army of one (hundred and thirty-seven)

The Keytar...gets 'em everytime.

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It recently occured to me that, come October, I will have been in Germany for 5 months. That’s kinda crazy, yo. Like almost half a year. It seems like almost yesterday I was curled up in the corner on a mattress in André’s room. Good times, good times.

Even wilder is the fact that in the last 4 months I haven’t spoken to a single person in my family*, with the exception of my sister (the one and only, andthepickles) – and that largely consisted of a handful of emails and 3 phone/skype sessions.

I’m notoriously bad at keeping in touch with people. The word „sucktacular“ comes to mind. However, I'm not without my reasons:

1.) I love getting emails, but I hate responding to them. It’s kind of like when you get a bill. The first one is a gentle reminder to pay – a good "suggestion", if you will. You don’t really have to sit up and take notice until you start getting those multi-colored, no-seriously-we-mean-it-pay-us letters. And they usually don’t start showing up until after 90 days. Emails are like that for me. I usually ignore the first few, but if you’re persistent I’ll eventually get the picture and respond. Usually. After 90 days, give or take.

2.) I hate talking on the phone. It doesn’t matter if you call me or I call you, after about 15 minutes I’m spent. That’s when you start hearing me go, "Yeah...uh-huh...uh-huh...uh-huh," etc. I’m sure if you were to ask me to repeat back to you what you just said, I would have no clue...

3.) My address book is somewhere in Oklahoma. I don’t even know where, really. I imagine that an address book would be pretty high on most people’s Things-To-Bring-With-When-Moving-Abroad-List, but not this mulatto. Nope, my Top 5 consisted of: tickets, passport, glasses, giant Mercedes-symbol necklace and Cyber Kitty -- you know, the important stuff.

Besides, that’s why God invented Myspace, right? (Click for more)

I didn't even wanna join sites like Friendster or Myspace, at first. But given the information that I revealed above, it seemed like it could be a good idea. This way, people who wanted to get in touch now had a convenient method of doing so, with minimal effort on my part.

Originally, I had something like 60 friends...people that I've personally met and have hung out with at some point in my life. Then, for some reason**, things spiraled out of control. I really don't want to get into it...needless to say, my original intentions went down the drain.

Granted, I know people with far more Myspace friends than I could ever dream of...and people with considerably less than myself***. Still, it kinda bothers me that I'm cyber-friends with a bunch of people that I'll never meet.

To be honest, it only started to bother me after one of my so-called "friends" walked in to the offices of FHHM yesterday.

When he walked in I was thinkin' all like, "Hey Myspace-friend, wassup?! Lookin' good, with your blue-eyes" and shit...

He looked at me, I looked at him...there was a pause...his eyes went wide...

Recognition, perhaps? ("Oh, yes Lebrookski, one of the bestest of Myspace friends...")

Alas, it was not recognition...just a rather phlegmy sneeze in my direction.

"Gesundheit," I says.

"Thanks. Got a tissue?"

"Sorry, no." (At least not until you put me in your Top 24)

Sometimes you just gotta put your foot down, dammit.

*= In case you didn’t know already, my immediate family consists of seven siblings and two parents...which equals a shitload of phone calls.

**= Boredom...laziness...peer pressure? Pick your poison.

***= Hey Remy, you assdouche...way to not put me in your Top 4.****

****= See what I'm talking about, I have a problem.

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