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Sunday, October 29, 2006

I've got oats, in different area codes...area codes

Oats gone wild.
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Disclaimer (of sorts): I've been wanting to write this post for some time now, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that (A) it's entirely possible that some people would take it the wrong way and think that I'm mocking them and (B) it slightly ventures in the territory of much more information than I'd probably like to reveal about myself on the internets. However, I decided that since the people that come to mind in reference to (A) are pretty good friends of mine and would/should realize that really I'm pretty much just making fun of myself and not them, I'd go ahead and write it anyway. As for (B), well...we're all adults here, right? Just foxin with ya, it's not that bad.

(Click Below for More)

A gang of my friends back in the States have been getting engaged/married recently. Surprisingly enough, I've been taking it all in stride. Which kind of leads to the question of "Why wouldn't I be taking it all in stride?"

Good question. I don't know. I just always assumed I'd start freaking out when my friends started getting married. It has less to do with the whole pairing up issue and (much much) more to do with the, "Holy shit, we're for really real grown ups"-issue. Not that you have to be married to be grown up, or vice versa... *pause*

To tell you the truth, I'm quite delighted for my friends, but I don't envy them. Reading A.Neezy's blog as she plans for her nuptials (to take place next year) and Cupcake's adventures as a maid of honor, always leaves me somewhat dazed. Maybe I missed the handout when I was a little girl, but planning a wedding is a shitload of work! Color schemes, menus, paper, ribbons, wine lists... etc. Things I haven't got the slightest clue about. It boggles the mind.

Personally, I also think it's kinda funny that Josie, A.Neezy and Jen will be the first ones to get hitched -- 'cause them girls will plan the shit out their weddings. 'Tis what they do...and do well.

Meanwhile...across the pond...

for the first time in my 20s, I'm actually enjoying the single life. This is a fairly recent development (I'd say since mid-August). I've known for awhile that I'm not a relationship-oriented person, but I really couldn't figure out why. Until now.

It's what I like to call: Lebrookski's Unified Theory of Loft Beds and Love:

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You see, everytime I meet a person who has a loft bed, I think to myself, "Gee, loft beds are so cool. Why don't I have one? You can save so much floor space. Dammit! I gotta get me a loft bed." Just replace "loft bed" with "relationship" or "boyfriend" and "floor space" with "money". I mean, I don't disagree, loft beds are awesome. Just not awesome for everyone...especially for people like me. My current bed is approximately 5 inches above the ground and I have trouble even navigating that meager height most of the time. Plus, after a late night on the town...the last thing I want to do is climb a damn ladder and possibly break my neck. Eventually I'll just end up buying a second matress and sleeping on the floor.

And then for me it basically just boils down to the same thing that everything else in my life boils down to: style or function. A bed is just the means to an end*...and as long as I can catch a few zzz's, I'm cool. I don't necessarily have to do it six feet above the ground.

Which is basically how I've been looking at things for the past few months and it's been working beautifully, I must say. Well, except for the occasional lapse in to crazy-land:

-------- Original-Nachricht --------
Datum: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 03:37:44 +0200
Von: Lebrookski
An: Schmiddy
Betreff: a few things.

2.) The Goodness said that [band name redacted] are playing sometime in Hamburg on the weekend, tomorrow or the day after... forget where and where... but you sho shoud give him a call...? put in a good word for me...he's fucking racist anyway,what do i care?**

Note: The young man in question is indeed not racist, I just threw that out there...basically 'cause I was a bit pissed and a little bit pissed off.

It's also entirely possible that despite my lack of anything resembling a domestic skill and the fact that I come from a long line of elopers*** that I too might find The One**** and have my very own shotgunless wedding*****. Granted, I have a sneaking suspicion that it'll come out of a fit of desperation around a time when I'm searching for a reason to throw a party.

So, in the spirit of "You Read It Here First": I swear on all that is Good and Holy...this is how it would/will go down.

Invitations by:

I'm obviously not the first person to think of this, otherwise the Wedding Themes gallery wouldn't exist. I don't have the patience to find a cardstock and typesetting that compliments the overall scheme of my "special" (like the short bus) day.

Location: Dufner Park, The Village, Oklahoma, USA

This is partly for sentimental reasons, as I grew up around the corner from this park and spent many a good time having fun with Dr. U.G.. I'm not a huge fan of the outdoors, but it makes the clean up easier and the deposit for the pavillion key is like 10 bucks or something. The location is actually the only thing that's relatively flexible...I may even do a Euro Version in the Stadtpark, who knows?

The Vows: Castle Moonwalk

During the ceremony only the internet-ordained reverend, the happy couple and the randomly chosen bridesmaids and groomsmen (see below: Wedding Party) will be allowed into Castle Moonwalk, where the ceremony will performed. The "ceremony" consist of the nine of us hopping around for like 10 minutes, while Kanye West's "Touch the Sky" (an extended mix) blasts through some speakers...I know e'ryone's gonna wanna be up in that moonwalk and that 10 minutes will seem like an eternity, but they's gonna have to wait for their own damn turn.

Catering: Earl's Rib Palace

BBQ! Fuck yeah! This should be your first clue as to the dress code for my nuptials... wear a suit if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you.

The Wedding Party:

For the sake of fairness, upon arrival each guest will draw a name-tag out of a hat. On the name-tag is the role that they will play for the event. It's fair game for everyone. I think this will make the wedding photos much more interesting.

The Cake:

The way I see it, I've got 3 options: (1) I could go the fancy route and get a professional cake (boring), (2) I could make the cake myself (too much work) (3) or I could go to the grocery store, grab 4 or 5 Spongebob birthday cakes, stack them shits on top of each other and have them write "Hooray for Tax Breaks!!" on the top cake. I think I don't even have to tell you which one I'm going with.

Additionally, beer and assorted fruit juices will be provided. There will also be no registry, so bring whatever the hell you want (like say, for instance, more beer)...

Wow, this post is basically either a dead giveaway for my complete lack of good taste or proof of my total awesome-ness.

Which is, by the way, part of my personal mathematical formula:

((less taste + great filling) x total awesome-ness) - The Drama = Raven

*= I'll let you, the reader, determine what this means.
**= This email sponsored in part by alcohol.
***= My sister Joanna is probably the only person in my immediate family -- Mom and Pop Brooks included -- whose wedding photos couldn't be mistaken for something vacation photos
****= And, whoa, he'll know kung-fu
*****= Ok, I'm almost certain there will be a couple of shotguns there.

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