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Monday, January 08, 2007

10% Inspiration, 90% Beer-spiration

Man up, bitch!
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There are three ways that I can tell that the deadline for an FHHM issue is approaching.

1.) (and most obvious) I can look at the calendar on my desk
2.) Increased office traffic (proofreader, additional graphics people and freelancers turning in articles all stop by)
3.) The alcohol stock in the breakroom refridgerator increases tenfold.

Someone, somewhere in the office must have some kind of magic Beck's hookup, because there are all these bottles of Beck's Level 7 individually packaged in "free sample" boxes.

For those unfamiliar, Beck's Level 7 is beer mixed with that energy drink stuff. You know, so you can feel like you're drinking beer and smoking crack at the same time, I suppose. Aside from that reason, I don't really get the point of an energy beer, since regular beer gives me plenty of energy.

(Click below for more)

Granted, most of this is imagined energy.

Still, if you catch me around my third beer, that's about the point where I'm ready to hit the town. It's pre-"breaking the seal" and (more importantly) pre-"zero motivation to do anything". Magical Beer #3 makes me feel like I'm good at everything: dancing, singing, looking good and talking loud. Especially talking loud.

Compared to drinking one Beck's Level 7, which makes me feel like I have to pee every 10 seconds.

Dearest Beck's, I didn't say anything when you came out with Beck's Gold, because even though it's a pretty weaksauce's still beer and given the choice between that or no beer, I'll go with the Gold. However, then you started coming out with some ridiculous shit -- Chilled Orange? Green Lemon? What's next...Magically Delicious Purple Horseshoes?!

This is the kind of thing I expect from Veltins, with their wacky concoctions like Curuba(?!) and their lame-o matchmaking service. Because everyone knows, you don't need beer AND a website to get some tail...if you do it right, the beer alone should work.

If anything, you should be taking a cue from Astra (instead of 18-year-old schoolgirls named Bettina). When Astra came out with their new Rotlicht (red-light) "flavor", guess what? It was BEER flavored. That's right, good ol' fashioned beer-flavored beer...just with a higher alcohol content.

Now, that's an improvement that I can get down with, ya dig?

It should be noted that my preferred beer is Jever. Why? Because it's "friesisch herb" (Frisian bitter?)...which I think is a lot like saying that the BBQ at Earl's Rib Palace is "Oklahoma-licious". Anyway, they also keep it relatively simple with the different varieties that they offer. (Yes, oh yes! Woo hoo!)

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