The Great Outdoors

This is the Globetrotter (Mecca for expensive outdoor gear) in Barmbek, near where I live. It's a big, red, cube-like building and is good landmark/meeting place for people who want to come to my place. It is not at all hard to spot. I walk by it all the time, but never give it any pause, because it's like a giant store full of stuff that I have pretty much zero interest in. I mean, sure if they were fill that mofo up with CDs/records I'd literally set up camp there.

Which is ironic, because I'd probably need a tent... but I think you get what I mean.

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While waiting for FeeBee at the aforementioned meeting spot, I paced about, taking the time to actually look at the window displays. Here's a couple of things that caught my attention:

This is the "Kids Dream" compass/multi-functional pocketknife. Maybe kids are different these days as opposed to when I was growing up. Maybe I just had the wrong kinds of dreams as a child, because all I know is that I never dreamt of having a compass or tiny scissors that fold out of a knife. Perhaps if I had, I wouldn't have the problems with directions that I have now. Then again, technology luckily caught up with me and GPS systems have become relatively affordable and are available in a wide variety of celebrity voices (see end previous post). Sure, I'm still shit out of luck should I be out of satellite range or without batteries or some kind of power source...but I'll cross that river if and when I get to it (and hopefully we're only talking about a metaphorical river here). It's not that I have a problem with this item being for kids, I just think that they should have called it something else.

Case in point:

This kid is probably not dreaming of getting a "Kids Dream" for Christmas. I'm gonna go with something more like, say...um...some Superman shit...when we're just looking at the obvious. And in the category of "not so obvious" I'd guess that he's also dreaming about a swimming pool full of red jello. In fact, I bet if his parents gave him a "Kids Dream" he'd be all like, "What the fuck is this?! Get the fuck outta here! I'm Superman, bitches!" and then stab them with the bottle opener.








I don't know if this product is to be used by children or on children... I'm kinda hoping for the former, but have some doubts because of the next product...










See, I'm pretty sure they mean for this knife to be used in an elk hunt and not used by an elk for hunting purposes...because the latter is just kind of silly. But after seeing the two knives, maybe you can agree with me that this company is sending out mixed signals about their purposes...















Have we already established what an elk looks like?



[Like this:]



[OR this:]




Kid in Superman costume with the Elk Hunter knife vs. Real-life Elk...

Who ya got?!

[EDIT: For any one else out there that gives a shit... I put up a picture of a moose as well, since they're are also called "elks" in Europe. Either way, my fucking point remains the same: a child is NOT VERY LIKELY to win in a confrontation with either one of these animals, even if said child possesses a knife

Here's a full grown man getting the shit kicked out of him:



I rest my case.]