Have I been a dad today? I seriously hope not.

I don't know if you've seen these ads or not. I always see them when I'm logging out of Myspace. No where else really. I think I'm undecided as to whether or not Myspace is the absolute worst or best place to advertise a fatherhood initiative. The banner pictured above is probably my all-time favorite (so far?); however, I don't really think it's helping their cause very much.

I mean, look how happy that dude is with his computer. He's completely enamored with that thing. I'm convinced he would never be capable of looking at a child so lovingly -- even one that hath sprungeth from his own loins.

And damn...could you blame him?

I've been accused of being "anti-children". That's mostly a half-truth. I just prefer to not keep their company...by most means necessary...with a vengeance...part 2. And given the choice, I'd probably choose hanging out with a computer. And if you're curious, here's why:

1.) Computers are smarter than children.

Genius child prodigies included. Look at Doogie Howser. Sure he "knew" a lot of "stuff", but did he know more than a computer? I don't think so. And your average kid isn't even "Doogie"-smart. The last child who tried to drop some knowledge on me was my niece Gabi. She asked me, "Auntie Raven, do you know what the difference is between a chrysalis and a cocoon?" And I was like, "No, but I bet you're fixin to tell me and I bet it's something stupid that I won't care about and will not enrich me further as a person. Did you even know Cocoon was a movie, you little smart ass? I'll tell you what: why don't you hit me up when you learn something that I actually give a shit about -- like the difference between an ale and a lager?"


2.) Unlike children, I'm pretty sure that computers have brought more families together, than they have torn apart.

A.) Yes, your parents' divorce was your fault. B.) I saw nekkid pictures of your estranged sister on Facebook.


3.) Speaking of which...

Computers + porn = Thumbs up
Children + porn = BAD BAD BAD!


4.) A computer can't hug you back

On the other hand, a computer is not a carrier of the flu virus (unless some kid with grubby, flu virus-infested hands has been pawing at your computer)

5.) Kids have horrible taste in music.

Computers, on the other hand, have YOUR taste in music. And can make song/album/artist recommendations based your taste in music. Children really, really, really suck at that.