10 Things I Dig This Week (and so can you)

10.) Captain Jean-Luc Picard – There’s a cardboard cutout of the Cap’n hanging out at the FHHM office in a room that’s usually pretty dark. When you pass by, all you see is like the shadow of a figure. It scares the crap out of me everytime. It scares the crap out of everyone always. It half reminds me of that scene from Home Alone, where Kevin uses the cardboard figures to trick the burglars into thinking that there’s a party going on in the house. The other half of me is relieved to know that the good captain has always got his eyes on us, even if it is sorta extra creepy. Make it so, Jean-Luc…make it so.

9.) My Stamp – I discovered a stamp on my desk. You know, the kind where you can scroll to the day/month/year and then it’s also got things like “received,” “controlled by,” “valid/invalid,” I used to just put a checkmark and my signature on invoices that landed on my desk. Now I’m a stamping fiend. This is probably how the douchebags at the Immigration Office get off. I can’t say I blame them. Stamps look real fuckin official and create a wonderous feeling of pseudo-power. It’s all quite skeet-worthy, if you ask me. And if you’re reading this, I’m assuming that you are…at least internally.

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8.) Carnival Skittles – Sorry, I bought a pack of these back from Oklahoma intending to give them to someone (who shall remain nameless, since they’ll have a pretty hard time getting them back out of me now…) Could someone please go to the Dollar Tree and send a bang of them my way (only 50 cents for 2)? They are quite delectable.

7.) My Lawyer - You're an awesome little man, J.T. (see #2)

6.)Uludağ - It's this this crazy good Turkish soda. Goes together good with...

5.) Dürüm Döner – For some reason, I’ve been on these dürüm joints for a minute. I mean, for all intents and purposes, it’s just a döner, but wrap-style...or burrito-style, if that gives you a better idea. Also, it’s got probably my favorite combination of letters in the word, namely “rü”. Yesterday, The Boy and I went to a place in the Neue Große Bergstraße that was selling them for € 3. I don’t know if it was a special sale or if that’s the price all the time, but it’s getting tough to find döner-y goodness for under € 3.50. Hey, y’all remember the Deutsche Mark? Those days were kinda awesome, huh?

4.) Franzbrötchen – Disclaimer: I dig Franzbrötchen like all the time, not just this week. It’s just that this week they seem to be falling from the sky…and on to my desk. Word up. Franzbrötchen are a northern German pastry-type thing and I love ‘em cause they remind me of cinnamon rolls, except without the frosting. In fact, I don’t know why you can’t find them without frosting, because that would make them infinitely better. It’s easy, just take some of that leftover glaze from the Mohnschnecken and drizzle it on a muhfuckin Franzbrötchen. That way, I don’t have to go to Bagel Brothers for my cinnamon roll fix anymore. Their cinnamon rolls are pretty crappy and overpriced. For serious though, I should cut back – I prefer that people call me Poppin’ Fresh for my signature breakdance moves, rather than my resemblance to the Pillsbury Doughboy.

3.) Our Kitchen – Yes, that’s right, kiddies. We finally have a kitchen table. Best idea Schmidt ever had. It’s great for sitting around and putting things on…just not for too long, since we don’t want to ruin the cherry wood top. Dinner party, anyone?

2.) Lady Anastasia von Etch-a-Sketch (aka Etch) – Etch and I go way back and for reals there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t dig her. But this week she gets an extra special shout out from me. Plus, last night she offered to marry me, should I somehow manage to fuck up my court appearance (November 22, 2007 – see #7 - word to yo mutha). This was not only the most generous marriage proposal that I have received to date, but also the best one that didn’t involve me paying someone at least €1.000 or my worth in camels (approx. 12).

1.) Mulattos – Ok, I also dig mulattos every day of every week. So this one is kind of a given. Because of this, you should probably think of numbers one and two on this list as a tie. Mostly, I just wanted to remind y’all that tomorrow is… HUG A MULATTO DAY. You know where to find me. And if you don’t…there’s probably a very good reason for that.