Drink or Treat

I don't have any childhood memories of Halloween. At least none that would really be considered a "traditional American" Halloween. If I've ever been trick or treating, it must have been before my younger brother and sister were born, which renders it one of those things that I did between the ages of baby and 2 years old and my memory doesn't go back that far.

Instead, I have fond memories of my mom picking me up from school so that I wouldn't have to participate in the witchery that is cutting out black cats out of construction paper during elementary school Halloween parties and then later going to the church "Fall Carnival". As a non-denominational, fundamentalist Christian child, I was taught that Halloween was (more or less) invented by Satan and that devil-worshipers wanted to cut my tongue out with razor blades hidden in fun-sized Snickers bars.

Despite all that, I always came home with a shit-ton of candy on Halloween. Each kid attendee was guaranteed a grab bag of candy treats at the designated candy stations...for Jesus, of course. Still, with several stations dispersed around the church grounds and 3 different candy shifts, it was kind of like the Sam's Club/Costco/Metro of trick or treating. Very, very little work for months worth of candy (minus the assholes that always donated the nasty-ass "Good & Plenty"). Anyway, aside from the Christian indoctrination, I have no complaints.

However, this also means that I have no stories of things that I -- once upon a time -- dressed up as for Halloween. I was at least 16 years old when I wore a costume to the Fall Carnival and that year I dressed up as my sister Pickles, who at the time worked at Wal-Mart. So I just wore a wig and her Wal-Mart vest and name tag.

Sadly, most people didn't get it. For most of my life, people have been calling me by Pickles' given name anyway. We both have bird names that start with the letter "R". A lot of people just kept asking me if I just got off work.

I don't recall ever dressing up for a Halloween party in college. Or leaving out candy in front of my door. I think Miss Fee sort of covered that for the both of us. After college, I did go to one Halloween Party where my costume was "Miss Black Person USA" -- which is not something that I made up, but from an old In Living Color sketch.



It was just my senior prom dress and a sash with some iron-on lettering with "Miss Black Person USA" on it.

One time I showed up at the Rudolf Laun Haus Halloween party as "Surprise Guest" -- with my normal-ass self -- but that wasn't so special. Another time, I let Ragna paint my face. Here's me looking drunk as hell (but otherwise, not costumed):



My point being is that for a damn-near 30-year-old American, I have very few memories dressing up for Halloween.

And I've never carved a pumpkin in my entire life. Even though pumpkin is my favorite pie flavor.

That said, I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. I'm not a crafty person. I don't have the patience for do-it-yourself projects. I've cobbled together gifts and if I've ever handmade you any kind of present, then 1.) feel special and 2.) it was from my heart and made with lots of love, but with zero actual skill on my part. I repeat, I'm not a crafty person. I'm an idea person -- but I have a hard time making my ideas reality using my own two hands.

T.Maz (aka Facebook Wifey) is an idea person...who is also crafty and talented.

Back in September, she started talking about a pimp cup project that she wanted to bring to life. So we met up looking for materials on several occasions.

Having ideas is one thing, but it's a bit exhausting to follow through on ideas when you have a job and just don't have time to dedicate to searching for appropriately pimpilicious glassware. But T.Maz had a dream....and I thought it was a cool sounding dream, so I was on board. And before I knew it, the "Let's make pimp cup craft project" became "Let's be Lady Pimps for Halloween".

So that's what we did. Except we didn't have a party to be Lady Pimps at until very late in the game.

It's was hard work, but I feel like we pulled it off in the end.

T.Maz was the "Pimp-cipal" and I was the Pimp Mama. And we laid the smack down. Here are some pictures of us being awesomely ridiculous (before leaving her apartment, because once we left the house, it was on like Donkey Kong...and we...forgot to take pictures).

So this is what I mean, I'm wearing a trenchcoat
inside out and T.Maz totally MacGyvered my
coat with the animal print and velvety collar.

Also, I decided to wear sunglasses, but I'm blind as fuck...so...I couldn't see shit with the sunglasses on....so I just acted ridiculous:

That's my crunk-ass, green pimp cup.
I was gettin my drank on and can't see shit
without my real glasses.

Silly pimp faces

Some notes: 1.) Laundry in the background. FTW.
2.) We were totally budget pimps 3.) You can really see here how
I'm just fucking wearing a coat inside out....
4.) I'm still kinda fly, yo.

I was trying to get her to look more threatening,
with that big ring on her right hand, but she just looks adorable.

See? Told you, adorable...