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Sunday, April 07, 2013

of somewhat interconnected

When C.Dub picked me up at the train station, however, I mostly forgot about all that stuff when she gave me a big hug and called me her, "Uncoolest daughter."

The interesting part of my relationship with C.Dub is that while I see her as kind of a surrogate mother, she actually has very little in common with my biological mom. Or rather, the similarities have less to do with the actual things that they do/did or say/said and more about how I feel when we're talking.

Due to my mom's illness, the parent-child roles switched fairly quickly and during a time when I wanted to us to be able to relate to each other as adults. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I was traumatized by this, but I'll just put it out there that it's come up, once or twice *cough*, in my therapy sessions. I often find myself incredibly jealous of people who get to have this type of relationship with their parents, since it feels like I basically had to watch my opportunity slip slowly through my fingers.

Conversations with C.Dub feel like the types of conversations that I always imagined being able to have with my mom (ok, I never imagined having to talk to my mom in German). It's almost better than the idealized mother-daughter relationship that I built up in my head. It's entirely possible that if my mom had never gotten sick that we would have forever remained in our "I'm the parent and you're the child" roles. And this way, it's like I get to "choose" my parent and how we relate to each other. Most people don't get to do that.

Still, at this stage, I haven't quite figured out how to build a foundation for a friendship with her son, my ex-boyfriend (which, given the whole parent/family metaphor, sounds kinda incestacular). The potential is certainly there, but there are still things I need to work out in my head. Work in progress and some such. I imagine that it's equally difficult for all of us, but I'm fairly confident that we're three people who are introspective enough to make it work somehow.

The first day we tiptoed around the current issues at hand. There wasn't any talk about "The Breakup" and Frosty went mostly unmentioned.

...and, again, more to come...

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