If it's not Raven, it's crap...

The following post brought to you by Toby's four green tomatoes, Raven's insomnia and the letter 'M' (for 'Mmmmm, tomatoes') Lately I've been having very disturbing dreams. That is, on the nights that I've been able to fall asleep. Anyway, sleep just wasn't happening for me last night (this morning?) So, I decided to quit trying and get online. So yeah...insomnia...web-surfing...Toby...right. Ok, so I was reading Toby's LiveJournal (you don't have to click that link really, because his journal is for friends only and it's in German). I found out that not only did he just finish reading the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (btw, I really hate that book, but I blame my high school Theory of Knowledge teacher, Dr. Warner, for that), but he also has four green tomatoes that he does not know how to put to use. In case you didn't know...tomatoes are a lot different from crutches . Hence the old saying, "Quit comparing t...

See those turntables? They're practically mine. A few weeks ago, André sent me a few schematics for my new living room in 117a (pictured above) -- for approval purposes, of course. Now that he's all moved in, all that I need to see are the final results *hint, hint* . However, I trust that my homeboy has done a more than adequate job (because he rolleth like that...) I've got a lot of fond memories of that space and now it's like I've officially claimed it as my own (at least until the time that André decides to move out). If you haven't already found someone who caters to the majority of your unreasonable whims, I highly suggest that you do so. It's worked out pretty effin great for me so far.

...and random things won't happen I replaced the fan in my computer. I've been meaning to replace it for (well over) a year (at this point). I thought the most difficult part would be the installation, but actually that was a snap (more or less). On the other hand, finding the right fan proved to be more of a challenge. Yes, I probably could have ordered one from the internet...but I'm into instant gratification. Anyway, now my computer is considerably quieter. Hooray! And now...on a totally unrelated note... I don't really know where I should begin with this story, so I suppose I'll start with the time about two weeks ago when I was kickin it with my sister Cristal. She mentioned that a friend of hers -- Hailey, who happens to have the same birthday as me -- liked to spit rhymes at this club that has an open mic night, and that she had been on stage a couple of times as Hailey's "hype-girl" (you know, the person that does the doubles on the vocal and...

Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I think I'm getting sick. I mean I really hope I'm not getting sick, but who knows? However, I am determined to enjoy this evening with my sisters. I have the whole rest of the weekend to worry about being ill (and not in the good way). Anyway, the sicky feeling combined with the fact that I very much intend to (finally) purchase/install new fan for my computer means that I don't really plan on updating until after the weekend. Not that you give a shit about updates or anything...just thought... eh whatever...

* Loose Translation: Quit being a suck up Original Iron Chef was waaaay better Even though Robbyn has subscriptions to Southern and Midwest Living -- and they're technically "gifts from Grandma" -- neither she, nor I would ever be confused for anything resembling what is known in some circles as a "domestic goddess". Robbyn is more obsessive-compulsive than Suzy-Homemakery and I am, well... let's just say there's a method to my madness and domesticity isn't really anywhere in the method. Oddly enough, we are currently engaged in a culinary battle for our mother's affections (all Iron Chef-sans-secret-ingredient-style). Using my mom as the jury, Robbyn and I take turns making dinner and using the food as proof of who loves Mom the most (i.e. the less delicious the dish = less love for Mama B.) Neither one of us are horrible cooks, but we're not master chefs either. We manage to get by on the account of our strengths and despite our weaknesse...

"Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forty percent of people know that." Here are three things that were brought to my attention recently by a variety of media outlets (print/TV/internet): 1.) I graduated from the 81st best high school in the U.S. 2.) I graduated from the 19th best liberal arts college in the U.S. 3.) I currently reside in the 216th most liberal city in the U.S. , which, coincidentally, is also the 22nd most conservative city in the country These numbers prove nothing except, perhaps, my attraction to the subpar. I mean, seriously, don't the ordinal "81st" and the superlative "best" effectively cancel each other out somehow? I suppose that's why people say shit like "Top-This or That". Still, that just sounds like some can't-face-the-facts bitchmadery right there. Lists and rankings are based on too many arbitrary factors to me to actually take them seriously. Example: Bow Wow currently ha...

I talked to my brother Remington on the phone the other day. I'd had gotten myself into a couple of altercations (of the verbal nature) on Wednesday that left me quite heated, to say the least. After being extremely pissed off for damn near two days, I decided it was time to make a call to my (not-so-lil-anymore) bro. He's a cool guy, definitely one of my best friends and, best of all, he never pulls any bullshit with me , which has been my main beef with more than a few people lately. I was looking through a photo album (which prompted the idea to talk to him on the phone). I found a picture of him and his best friend, Tunde (one of my "brothers from another mother"). It's a very funny picture. One that I would have posted without permission, but I had a feeling that Remy would not have appreciated its publication. After discussing the photo with him on the phone, I discovered that my feeling was indeed correct. So, instead, I'm posting another picture of him...

Only when I'm drunk, son. Only when I'm drunk... A series of unfortunate events has led to me spending more time than usual with my younger sister (you know, the crazy-eyed one). Not that I find this to be totally awful or anything. Anyhow, Cristal really likes shitty reality TV shows, whereas I (for the most part) abhor them. Still, I'll watch them when my sister and I hang out -- and in return, she'll sit through a half an hour or so of me watching CNN. When I was visiting Katie in NYC, we happened upon the new reality/performance/whatever-type series on FOX entitled So You Think You Can Dance . If you haven't seen it, it's like American Idol (or its German equivalent, Deutschland sucht den Superstar ) but for dancers. If you thought watching people who think they can sing (but can't) was funny, watching people who think they can dance (but can't) is 100,000 times funnier. However, I usually never make it past the try-out shows...since talented peopl...

P.S. Brrrr! Robbyn emailed me this phonecam picture of a bird yesterday. I’m assuming it’s a raven of some sort. Or at least another member of the crow family. I wouldn’t know, cuz I ain’t no damn ornithologist. The sad thing is that the actual bird-raven is probably the coolest thing with which I share my name. C’mon, I mean how badass is it that ravens are collectively known as an unkindness or a conspiracy ? That fact alone makes the raven the Samuel L. Jackson of the bird kingdom – one bad mutha(shut yo mouf). Aside from the birds, however, I am of the opinion that most things named Raven – with the exception of me, naturally – chart pretty high on the sucktacular list. In recent times, my father has been known to (incorrectly) take credit for naming me, going so far as to say that it is "the most perfect name that [he] devised." I must admit, my full name is something of a work of art. It simply looks and sounds … awesome. And other names simply pale in comparison. For ...

I do not want to go out into the rain today. First off, I hate driving in the rain. Secondly, I really hate driving in the rain. However, I have to take my sister (Cristal) to her doctor's appointment because I promised her last week that I would. Anyway, Cristal came over to the house about an hour ago, and she brought the book From Pieces to Weight: Once Upon a Time in Southside Queens -- The 50 Cent Story. I just kind of glanced at her with a puzzled look on my face, to which she replied "Don't laugh, it's really good." I dunno, I'm just glad to see you reading a book, girl. Now, I'm fixin to go help my mama get ready to go, I promise I'll write more when I'm back from doing the shit that I need to get done. In the meantime, André should take a gander at the following forum thread, so that we can continue the conversation that we started yesterday ( Dude, where's my ghetto pass? ). And the rest of you should stop by his rather inactive live...

'Free' is Baby Jesus' favorite word Today at 4:30am I took my sister Robbyn to the airport. She's going to be in Boston for a week visiting her best friend from high school. She really deserves a vacation and I really deserve the use of her car. Sidenote: I got turned around on the way home from the airport. You'd think that since A.) I've been to Will Rogers Airport about a gazillion times and B.) I was born and raised in OKC that I'd be able to know the route like the back of my friggin hand. However, if you were to make this assumption...you'd be pretty dang wrong. I have a HORRIBLE sense of direction! Also it was like 5am by that time, and I hadn't slept all that much. Later in the day, after I caught a couple of extra hours of sleep, I decided to schedule in some quality time with my younger sister Cristal aka Crazy Eyes. I told her I'd treat her to lunch and after a bit of deliberation we finally settled on the Taste of China all-you-can-ea...

Inner Thought Cam: "Aunty Raven plays pool like a little bitch" I said was going to elaborate on what I did yesterday. You'll probably only find it to be interesting if you're into things like kiddie birthday parties and visits to your grandmother. So sit back and let the waves of mediocrity wash over you. Thursday night I realized that I completely spazzed out on the date of my niece Zoe's birthday party. I thought that it was going to be today (Saturday) when, in fact, Friday, August 12th was printed quite clearly on the invitation. Had I bothered to read the invitation earlier in the week, I would have known this...but, whatever, at least I figured it out before Friday. That said, my #1 task Friday morning was to purchase a gift for my lovely niece, which I accomplished in record time (30 minutes). I also picked out my parents' present for the child. As you'll see later, the reoccuring theme for the party made it fairly easy. My sister Gillian (Zoe'...

I had quite the eventful day. I just got back home from my grandma's house, and she's always got lots of goodies and food for her granddaughters...because she's the best grandma ever. I'll write more of an update later, but right now I'm gonna hit the hay, because I have to take Robbyn to the airport at 4-friggin-am tomorrow. However, I'll be able to use her car for the week that she's gone...so, I can't/won't complain about the early dropoff. Lastly, I'd like to thank my wonderful grandmother for letting me borrow the following clipping from the local newspaper, The Daily Oklahoman : That's my pops. It must have been a slow news day