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Monday evening was spent at Trini-Mutti's place, where we attempted to finish the alcohol leftovers from her recent party. Naturally, this was in celebration of German Unification Day and, as such, we found it completely necessary to drunk dial her father around 12:45am on October 3rd to express our congratulations.*
Naturally.
Sixteen years is kind of a big deal, you know. Reunified Germany can now legally drink beer. If Reunified Germany were living in the States, it probably would have had its parents call the school secretary to excuse it from class so that it could go get its driver's license.
Anyway, I ended up crashing at TM's place and waking up Tuesday at 2:30pm (though I could have sworn it only felt like 10am at the latest). After a tasty "Bio-Breakfast" of pancakes -- made from organic eggs, organic milk, organic flour and topped with organic nutella -- I made my way home.
As is kind of usual with hangovers in general, I found myself craving something in the direction of meat and though it doesn't happen that often, I was actually craving a McDonald's cheeseburger. However, as I was only equipped with 2.50 and I wasn't in the mood to see if I could get 2 1/2 cheeseburgers at Mickey D's, I decided to head off to my döner place...gotta get the most outta what I got, right?
The plan was to pick up a mini-döner for 2 euros and call it a day. But upon my arrival, I saw that a pomm-döner (basically all the döner ingredients sans flatbread and plus fries in a handy cone-shaped container-- a cöner, if you will) cost 2.50. So, pomm-döner it was.
(Click below for more)
On a day, where I hadn't made all that many decisions, it was hands down the best thing I could have done.
The appeal of the cöner is strongly debated in the döner-purist circle, but I maintain that it's basically the same freakin' thing. Is it the addition of fries to the mix that turns people off? Is it an aesthetic thing? I can't say. However, I can say that it was very delicious. It was like an ice cream cone...except with döner inside and an inedible cone. How can that not make someone happy?
This has led me to Lebrookski's Crazy Theory #437:
Cones make everything better and more fun...or funnier.
Here are just a few examples to back up this claim:
The Cöner
Better than: The Döner Box
As the kind of person who's been known to walk into things, if not paying attention, it's nice to finally find a food that's designed for eating while walking. A regular döner diverts too much of my brain power away from...well, I suppose the part of my brain that controls the lower half of my body. And, unlike a döner box, the cöner virtually eliminates the urge to set aside half of the döner in the fridge. There's very little that's worse than re-heated döner.
Traffic Cones
What they make more fun: Driving, petty theft
I don't get the whole point of traffic cones on a test driving course, unless the point is to knock each and every one of them down. I'd love to get my kicks by mowing down pedestrians while driving, but since I can't I suppose the cones would have to do.
On the other hand, stealing traffic cones is way fun. They are lighter than traffic signs and should you feel courageous (read: drunk) enough, they make excellent headgear.
Joints
What they make funnier: Everything, but especially shit like this:
Now, let's compare the cool-ass cone to a lame-ass shape, say for instance...
The Cylinder
It's basically only good for preserving rolled up documents (maps, photos...various pieces of paper basically), gift wrap roll sword fights, and of course launching people off of the Earth.
I know what you're thinking though, "But Brooks, bongs are cylinders...doesn't that count for something?"
No.
Bongs are basically cylinders, with some other much more useful shape (like a sphere) doing all the hard work...and a lot of the time you can bypass the need for a cylinder altogether. Honestly, if you just take a moment to compare the two side-by-side, you can clearly see...cones win, hands down:
Ok, ok...I suppose I "forgot" about beer cans. But funnels make beer (an already fun drink) into a friggin paaaaaaaarty!
This is why I am declaring cones the Official Shape of The Mulatto Revolution.
And that's basically the entire point of this post.
*= Seriously, I think something along the lines of, "Herzlichen Glückwünsch zur deutschen Einheit!" (Congrats for German Unification) escaped my lips. Oh well, just add one more name to my list of Friends' Parents Who Hate Me. Just kidding, my friends' parents LOOOVE me...
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