Real Grown Up Crap

Even though I know it's not true, sometimes I don't feel like I'm a real grown up. On the one hand, I've done stuff like move to another country, dealt with the death of one parent and major illness of the other and I, um, I don't know that's really the stuff that comes to mind (or the stuff that would count most to the general public). On the other hand, I have a roommate still and (until my new grown up bed arrives this week *crosses fingers*) I still sleep on a futon. It's really petty stuff, I know. And it only "bugs" me in the sense that I often have to suppress the feeling that I somehow need to justify why I do things the way that I do.

Looking towards the future, I can say with a great deal of certainty that there are going to be a lot of the traditional adult rites of passage in which I'll never participate. Like, I'm pretty sure that I'll never own real estate. I have a friend here in Hamburg and she just purchased an apartment. She's the same age as me and probably doesn't earn much more than me, but the whole thing kind of blew my mind. Mostly because it's something that I don't see myself doing or really want to deal with the hassle of doing.

I mean, if someone just gave me some real estate and I didn't have to worry about taxes or upkeep or all that other bullshit, then of course, I'd take it. But really the only reason in which I could imagine the scenario of "All that thou doth see before ye be mine" (that's my impression of how property owners speak) would be in the case of some sort of inheritance. And in my family, there's not any shit for me to inherit...like nothing...from no one.

As I've discussed before, marriage would only take place in the case of imminent threat of losing my residency in Germany OR extreme boredom and no real reason to throw a party otherwise. And even in the case of the latter, it'd probably be more of an actual theme for a party, rather than a legally-binding ceremony. It just doesn't appeal to me. And with kids, well...there would just have to be a major personality shift/head trauma that would make me go down that road. I'm not saying that any of this is impossible (because I don't want to end up eating these words later). I'm just saying, more on the unlikely side of the spectrum.

So with 30 coming up in 2 days, I'm not freaking out like "Ooh must have rings and babies!" But I also sort of (and the operative words here are *sort of*) want to be like "Hey, I've got some Real Grown Up™ shit, too"

Hence, the new bedframe so that I can sleep and partake of adult activities with a respectable distance between my mattress and the ground. Also, I purchased Tupperware for the first time. I'm not sure if that's a sign of being a "grown up" or more of a sign of being able to afford the occasional baller-ass kitchen utensil that does something that you were capable of doing before, but better and faster (column A & column B, anyone?). All I know is that now I don't have to cry when I chop onions and that is an improvement over my 20s.

I'm sure as time goes on, I'll be more comfortable defining my adulthood in my own way, rather than through this type of arbitrary symbolism.

That's my goal anyway. I guess you'll have to deal with me this way until that happens.