If it's not Raven, it's crap...

"FREEEZE-UH, LAPD!!!" I just keep watching this over and over. Oh, how I wish Mad TV was funny like this all the time. A few quick things: 1.) I need to get my shit in order, all quick-like. I'm hoping that this new added pressure is going to give me the much needed kick in the ass that I need. However, I fear that it's just gonna give me a much un-needed stess-induced ulcer...which is what I think this pain in my side might be. I don't know...an ulcer or a tumor...I should get it poked at by a doctor or something, too bad I have this need to make money. 2.) I've got 26 days to quit smoking. That's right boys and girls, April starts tomorrow and the big 2-5 (aka my cut off date) is on the 27th. You wanna know what to get me? Nicotine patches, with cash donations as a close second, followed by a new job. Or just do that thing you normally do. I'm gonna start this quitting thing early, so as to not become a heinous nic-fit bitch. Still, the stress of qui

How can you sleep, if you're high on crack? That's a Chinese riddle for you. I don't want to get into too detailed of a description of the nonesense I deal with at work (even though some of it is quite funny), but I got a phone call the other day that was highly entertaining to me...yes, even more so than when I talked to the police about a rental car full of 8 "undocumented" immigrants...so I feel obligated to share the story. But rather than write out the entire conversation, I feel like the story was worthy of a more artistic representation... Moral of the story, chil'ren: if you trade your rental car for drugs...you've either just bought a car that you'll never get to use...or the police will have to be involved. Or both. There's no way around it, really.

Cuz ternader season is a-comin' and you summabitches need sumthin ta do, when them tv folk cut in on yer stories You'll probably only get this if you grew up in the OKC Metro area, but you may also appreciate it if you've spent a lot of quality time living in Tornado Alley ...or also, apparently now, in Hamburg (amateurs...) Gary England is, quite possibly, Oklahoma's premier weather man (whoops, meteorologist). I mean, he even had a bit part in the movie Twister , if I'm not mistaken. Anyway, he's been around since I was just a youngin'. In fact, I got to meet him once when he came to my elementary school. Wow, was that an exiting day, because sitting for a few hours on the cold, hard floor of the cafetorium (that's a cafeteria-slash-auditorium, ya herrd?) watching storm chaser footage, beat long division any day. Tornado season -- which is basically starts in Spring and ends in, like, August -- can be quite a bitch, with the trying to remember the di

I think I've been pretty good about posting regularly this week. So, I don't feel so bad that Toby called me out again. Directions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. You might notice that when I couldn't make the song title fit, I used a bit of the song text. It was kinda fun, try it out if you want. How does the world see me? Strong Arm Steady - Get Your Bars Up "So you suck. No friends, no fans, no hoes to fuck. You need to listen to us and just get your bars up..." Hm, I don't like this game so far... Will I have a happy life? Slim Thug - So Incredible (ft. Jazze Pha) "Hell, I can't complain it's a beautiful feelin, from bein broke on your ass, to having cash to the ceiling." What do my friends really think of me? Deichkind - Geheimnis "Wie macht ihr das? Geiheimnis. So ist das, so bleibt es..." Do people s

Here's to down-ass white boys I don't know if I mentioned it before, but...When The Revolution Gets Here, I'm making a monument to my dad*. He's not so much a "hero" of The Revolution, as much as he is one of its first "victims"...but I mean that in a good way. It's quite touching actually. Yesterday, during our little talk about his posthumous wishes, we drifted off into very uncomfortable territory...namely, my "love life". These conversations are always ...well...painfully awkward are the only words that can be used to describe them. I feel that Papa Brooks and I have a deep respect for one another, not to mention, a non-verbal "don't ask, don't tell" policy for certain aspects of our lives. Still, he makes the attempt to dispense fatherly advice and I nod and try to imagine how great it would be if beer came out of our kitchen sink . Anyway, my dad revealed to me that he basically hasn't found white women attra

I'm not some slick, big-city lawyer..." I'm using my next to last paid sick day to skip work today. It's partially in protest of the fact that every single bit of overtime that I applied for was denied...but it's mostly because...fuck those stupid bitches. I got a week of vacation coming at the end of next month (I figure it'll take about seven days to recover from the horror of turning 25), which will leave me with exactly one paid sick day and 1 1/2 paid "floating" holidays to use up in May, which is when I'm gonna quit that sucker anyway. I spent this morning talking with my dad over coffee, something we haven't done in awhile for various reasons. It was a fairly heavy discussion for so early in the morning, because he approached me about downloading power of attorney forms so that he can bring them to his lawyer to look over. He has to get power of attorney for my mom (because of her current situation) and he wants to give my sister Robbyn

"Who all seen the leprechaun? Say yeeeaah!!!!" The picture and corresponding link above have absolutely nothing to do with this post, but it's the funniest thing I've seen all damn day. I finally got around to checking the answering machine tonight. I'm pretty sure I'm the person who checks the machine most frequently, since Robbyn has her own cell phone and my dad merely uses the machine to screen his calls (he doesn't want to give in to paying for caller ID). Because the phone bill isn't in my name, I also don't want to pitch in extra for caller ID...and since it's not that often that people are calling my house to talk to me...I merely just check the messages and delete the ones I deem to be unimportant. I thought I'd record a few of my favorite messages from my most recent screening and post them here for your enjoyment. I think you can get a pretty good feeling of what it is like to call my house. For the record, my room is in the back

February 12th, 2006 was a very horrible day for me...at work. Granted, each day I go to work at my current place of employment is automatically a pretty sucky day. However, that particular day was quite taxing, because absolutely nothing went right and the poo-poo icing on that crap cake was that I was verbally assaulted by one of my co-workers...I shall call him Todd, Self-Proclaimed God of Roadside Assistance... The boring backstory See, what happened was that one of our all-knowing customers -- who are always right, mind you -- was stranded in Bullhead City, Arizona with a tow truck and a rental car that he mistakenly filled with diesel fuel (how he managed to fit the diesel fuel nozzle in his Ford Taurus is another question altogether). The problem was that this guy was on his way from Flagstaff, Arizona to Anaheim, California, where he had a 6:00am meeting at some large business-y place. The problem: he put in the diesel fuel and broke down in Williams, Arizona, which is about 50

"They should've never given y'all niggas money!" (Oh, just save yourself now ) While grocery shopping today, I hit the magazine aisle to see if the new issue of Scratch Magazine with the tribute to late producer J. Dilla had hit the racks as yet. Unfortunately, it had not. However, much to my satisfaction, I found out that this particular overpriced, yuppie grocery store carries one of my very favoritest mags ever: Wizard (Guide to Comics). I stopped paying attention to what was going on in the comic book industry around the time that Katie broke up with Josh , but even as I began replacing a comic book addiction with my music addiction, I still purchased Wizard on the regular until about 2001 -- the biggest problem being that a lot of stores that sell magazines don't sell Wizard ...so it became a kind of "out of sight, out of mind" kinda thing. Needless to say, I was pretty stoked about my new discovery (in a nostalgic kind of way). So I'm ly

"Aber Klaus..." The other day as I was leaving work, I was watching this old lady in front of me go down the building's main staircase. She totally missed the last two steps and went crashing down to the ground. Me (being the woman of action that I am) basically just stood there frozen for a second watching the poor woman, mouth agape. At that moment, two thoughts ran through my mind: 1.) "I hope she's ok." 2.) "Bitch, if you're responsible for derailing the Safety Train...I will kill you myself." (Luckily for her, it turns out she was ok.) See, at work, the powers-that-be like to keep track of on-the-job accidents. There's an easel in the lobby that displays the number of days since the last time someone got injured in the building...our "Safety Train", if you will. Sure, it may sound elementary, but get this...the longer we stay on the this train of safety, the more rewards we get. Rewards like candy bars and popcorn, which migh

You know what they say about a messiah with big feet? That's right, he wears big roller skates. It probably wouldn't come as much of a shock to anyone if I said that there are a whole hell of a lot of churches in Oklahoma City. Like right off the top of my head I can think of at least ten within a two-mile radius of my house. There very well could be a lot more than that, because contrary to the commonly-held local belief, Oklahoma is not "The Buckle of the Bible Belt" . If anything, Oklahoma is the "Extra Notch on the Bible Belt (Like the Kind One Must Bore After a Particularly Gluttonous Holiday Season)"...that should give you a rough idea as to the number of houses of worship we have. Soooo many. Still, you'd be wrong to think that it's the sheer number that I find off-putting. For I, too, have dabbled in the ways of religion (believe it or not) Yes, growing up I spent loads of time going to church. Sunday morning service, Sunday evening service,

Mmmmm...green beer I don't feel particularly well-rested this morning. I had this dream last night, one of those "Hi, it's me, your subconscious, I'm trying to tell you something"-dreams. Except instead of the usual dream scenario bizarreness, e.g "Well, I dreamed I was diving into a pool full of Vick's Vaporub...while coked-up monkeys tapdanced in hula skirts...what do you think that means? No, none of that for me. I think my subconscious felt it had to break it down for me...like I'm retarded or something. So, now I'm awake...but tired...and a just a smidge offended at myself for insulting my own intelligence. Hey, brain: not cool, dude...not cool...

Biancadonk, seen here with Digital Underground (including, of course, The Revolution's Vice Minister of Disguises Shock-G ) The good news: Coming soon: "Mulattos of Los Angeles" The bad news: Bianca, founder of "Mulattos of Oklahoma", is moving away to start up the new chapter. The worst news: With only hours left to go, it's still up in the air as to whether or not I will make it to the good-bye party (thanks a lot, stupid job). How much does that suck? Words cannot even begin to describe... This is a pretty shitty turn of events. *sigh* Some days... Anyway, should I not make it, B...I apologize and I shall find a way to otherwise redeem myself (see title)

Damn you, Toby , you've discovered my one weakness, seeing my name on other people's blogs. Prepare to be unimpressed... Currently Reading? ~ Michael Connelly - Lost Light Last Three Books You Read (for fun) ~ Dan Brown - Deception Point ~ Karrine Steffans - Confessions of a Video Vixen ~ Orson Scott Card - The entire Ender series (I thought I'd lump them all together, since they're all kinda related to the same story) Last Three Books You Read Because You Had To Good God, like I can remember...it's been like 3 years since I've had to read a book...and I don't feel like going to the garage to look inside my Big Green Trunk O' Books I Had To Read For Class...so, off the top of my head, here are the last 3 books I remember reading in my last semester of college ~ Gustave Flaubert - Madame Bovary ~ Dai Sijie - Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress ~ Stefan Zweig - Die Welt von Gestern Three Books on Your "To Read Soon" List ~ I've never

Survey Question: What's your favorite lunch? Remington: A sandwich and a good book...I only eat the sandwich. I used to read a lot. Then I went to high school and college, where I also had to read a lot, but it wasn't fun. Up until recently, I really only read books that Katie sent me...'cause hey, free books. Then I started my current job and I discovered that reading a book at work makes the time seem to go a lot faster and my co-workers tend to bother me much, much less (or maybe they still try to bother me, but it's easier to ignore them). About two weeks ago, I noticed the book Confessions of a Video Vixen lying on the desk of the chick who sits next to me. Having temporarily run out of reading material, I picked it up and began reading it. I'd heard about the book some time ago because its author, Karrine Steffans, had caused somewhat of an uproar in hip-hop circles, by revealing information that the rap industry would rather have kept secret (i.e. rappers

Me and K.D. (honorary Mulatto). I need a new pose. I woke up this morning surprisingly refreshed. I say "surprisingly" because I went to a Mardi Gras event last night and I a.) spent an assload of money and b.) drank a looooot of alcohol. However, I have no regrets because c.) I haven't socialized with anyone in over 2 months d.) it made Kelley smile. She is the shit. We're getting matching "52" tattoos...probably not tomorrow like I drunkenly promised...but soon. The most unnerving part? Finding myself sitting next to Bianca's mom in a booth. Bianca's mom scares me, because she's just so Italian...and not like Ragu Sauce-Cookin-Up-Grandma-Italian...but like Milan-Vogue-Runway-Model-Italian. Also, it's just plain weird being intoxicated in front of your friends' parents...even if they obviously don't give a fuck. It's like, "Hey Bianca's mom, wanna do a jello shot?" I should be used to this by now. I mean, seeing as

"I'd rather use the unlimited power of my imagination...cause I ain't got no damn money." - Meatwad After a brief hiatus due in part to fatigue (read: laziness) I present you with a list of "50 Things Endorsed by the Mulatto Revolution". I know, in the past (and probably in the future) I've been (I'll be) somewhat negative about things that will be abolished when The Revolution gets here. That's not exactly the impression that I want to make. I'm a positive, glass-half-full kind of person and I want to prove it, by showing that there are some products and people with which The Revolution has no qualms...items that fall within our protective wingage (so to speak). 50. Four-color pens - You want 3 words to sum up The Revolution? Here they are...four-color pens...black, blue, red and green all together and at your disposal in one handy writing utensil. 49. Skype - Yes, another shameless plug...but goddamn, c'mon...it's about talking to